T-M-I from T-I-M

Review: Being Mary Tyler Moore on HBO (2023)

TL;DR: I knew very little about Mary Tyler Moore and wasn't a big fan and this documentary is a must see.




The Mary Tyler Moore documentary on HBO is compelling and fascinating. I knew almost nothing about her personally.

The only real roles I knew her for were the mom in Ordinary People and Flirting With Disaster. I was a marginal Dick Van Dyke Show fan and never watched the Mary Tyler Moore show.

Given the roles I knew her for which were either a quite flawed, unwilling to change or an over the top at times inappropriate mom I hadn’t really connected with her as a major TV star.

The documentary is held together by a couple of incredible interviews with her and Rona Barrett, Dinah Shore, David Letterman (his daytime show) and others. It also includes a number of interviews, most of which you don’t see the person, friends, family members, etc.

She was an entertainment vanguard.

She was super progressive in her shows for the time. For example, she was the first woman on TV who wore pants instead of those god-awful dresses I’d see women doing chores in.

She also was a comedic actor trailblazer. It’s described exquisitely how she achieved it.

More impactful was that the Mary Tyler Moore shore was groundbreaking as it was supposed to be the first show with a divorced woman as the main role. CBS scrapped the idea as unacceptable (incredible factoid).

She played the role out as a single woman in Minneapolis and a working, career-oriented woman.

Not surprisingly given that, the writers included the first woman who ever wrote on a national broadcast sitcom. Unbelievably the creator was James L. Brooks (yes THAT one from the Simpsons).

It was fascinating to see how it played out that she was an advocate of women’s rights. She and her team pushed the envelope and yet it tells a story where Gloria Steinem said it wasn’t enough.

She was a kind of America’s sweetheart. It was fascinating to see how she ended up with two incredible casts with spectacular writing rooms.

And yet the doc also tells the stories of how she handled rejection and difficulty. So much so she almost didn’t take on the Dick Van Dyke show.

The show really took off when it moved into how she moved to New York and took on new roles and personas that were so different. I LOVED her in Ordinary People (one of my top 5 movies of all time).

I couldn’t understand how she could step so deeply into that role and become this person who I somehow both despised and felt sorry for.

I learned that her family life was full of misunderstanding, difficulty, alcoholism and tragedy. I thought the documentary emphasized this at the perfect time with the perfect weight. It didn’t feel overwhelming and it set the perfect context.

It reminded me of those pictures that used to look like a bunch of random colors and shapes until you looked through it or at it slightly differently and suddenly a rocket ship would appear.

It opened my eyes to who she really was. It’s like her whole career and personal life were the whole story. She loved dancing as a child, it was her first passion.

Towards the end of the doc she says something like “I consider myself a failed dancer and a successful actress.”

During all those interviews there’s this somewhat frenetic energy that seems to protect some core part of herself.

The documentary does an incredible job of illuminating that core part of herself. She was a multi-dimensional, quite wounded woman.

It’s so profound to see the parallel between her doing the “everything looks dreamy” type roles while her insides had a lot of turmoil and her role Ordinary People (a movie about that subject on a familial level).

Not surprisingly, there are some serious tear jerker scenes in the documentary.

The most poignant is a scene in the Mary Tyler Moore Show with the actor who plays her father. Mary had a challenging relationship with her father (her parents are touched on somewhat mostly by reference).

I won’t spoil it. I will tell you that the poignant dynamic of unsaid things finally really said is emotional writing at the very highest level.

I didn’t know that she lost her son to a what they describe as a gun accident, it’s heartbreaking. It was another reminder that when a parent loses a child I think in almost every case a piece of that parent is lost. It’s as if a slice of the soul lifts out of their body.

The final scenes of the movie include a stunning list of women actors who credit their emergence and success partly or substantially to Mary Tyler Moore. It's really moving.

After watching it, I’m not a bigger fan of hers. I don’t feel compelled to watch either TV series. I do feel slightly compelled to watch Ordinary People again.

This movie is a perfect piece of art that demonstrates stories well told make the resonance, interest or even fandom of the subject secondary.

For me the documentary became a human interest story and a powerful reminder of how our stories matter if we only ask about them.

Mary Tyler Moore's story is somehow fun, sad, moving, hopeful and connecting. I would never have thought it could be.

#marytylermoore #BeingMaryTylerMoore

Review: Wednesday on Netflix

I watched the Netflix series Wednesday over the weekend and it’s fantastic.

TL;DR (and this is long!): Wednesday is a compelling, fun series touching on crucial dy 
namics of teenagers. For any dads of daughters, I suggest watching it (I bet your daughters already have).

Wednesday Addams (played by the magnificent Jenna Ortega) goes to a school of outcasts and even in that school SHE is an outcast.

Her character has an unwavering commitment to truth and is unafraid to speak about what she believes.

Ortega is special because she plays the character’s commitment perfectly (along with her dark sense of humor). She also plays the moments when Wednesday is vulnerable.

A friend in the show says she admires that Wednesday doesn’t seem to care about what others think. She responds beautifully “Maybe I should care more”.

What makes her so compelling is her facial expressions which emote the complexity of who Wednesday is. It made me feel like I felt her and resonated with her emotionally.

Wednesday commits herself to solving a series of crimes committed by a “monster”. The series has that attractive trait that at one point I think I know who is guilty, only to think it is someone else.

The outcast school has teenage boys and girls all of whom have some kind of special power that allows them to transform or activate that power. That TOTALLY feeds my nerdy Dungeon and Dragons side.

I’m not surprised that the writers/creators of the show also created the series The Shannara Chronicles (based on Terry Brooks magnificent series of books starting with The Sword of Shannara (a lighter version of the Hobbit). I read all of his books like 5 times when I was a kid).

The outcasts’ school is adjacent to a town of “normal” people with complicated pasts.

The writing in the show is exceptional. I love how it both portrays the outcast social dynamics of young men and women. And I love how the show handles Wednesday’s transition from outcast to accepted.

I also love how the writing delves into the tension between the outcasts and the normal teenagers in town. It’s an innovative way to portray Wednesday as an outcast among outcasts at school then an outcast as part of the outcasts in the town.

One thing I didn’t expect which I loved was how the show explored parental tension with the kids (both at the school and in the town). It explores things like:

How to handle parents who want be or do something like them when the children want to blaze their own path
How parents try to control who their children hang out with regardless of their desires
And, most importantly, moments where the teenagers stand up to their parents

Wednesday has a roommate that is the exact opposite of her. Enid (played by Emma Myers) is a bright, bubbly, colorful young woman who works really hard to connect with Wednesday.

Myers is wonderful in how her face and demeanor emotes her happy go lucky self.

The show, directed by Tim Burton, shows their shared dorm room. One half is super colorful for Enid and the other half is dark for Wednesday.

Enid is a werewolf who hasn’t “wolfed out” yet, meaning she hasn’t transformed ever fully. Her conflict with her parents is really compelling. Enid felt stressed that she hadn’t wolfed out and therefore was a disappointment to her parents.

On “Parents Day” at Nevermore (the school) her mom puts a lot of pressure for her to wolf out, creating conflict. Her father is silent until the very end of the visit.

After Enid stands up to her mom who leaves, she has moment with her Dad. He said to her:

“I’m proud of you kiddo. You do you”

Yep, I cried at that point. Nothing like a good father daughter moment.

While Enid was a seemingly unwavering cheerleader for Wednesday I really liked how at one point she draws a boundary and leaves her temporarily. When Enid admits why to Wednesday (standing up to her) it’s a powerful emotional moment.

I LOVED how the script deftly portrays that when Enid finally stopped worrying about what other people thought (maybe from Wednesday) she wolfed out.

There is quite a bit of chatter online that it’s meant to be a comp to “coming out”. That may be partially or even fully true. I think it’s broader than that (while still including that).

It feels weird to say this but Thing (a severed hand) is the next most compelling character. The way Thing communicates and reacts to Wednesday is so fun and sweet.
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Thing seems to be the one character who can call Wednesday out (although others eventually do).

Among the other actors I liked Catherine Zeta Jones as her mom. I LOVED (and was a bit surprised by) that Luis Guzman played her dad. He’s one of those actors that I get excited for when he’s in the show (after just having seen him in Shameless!).

Fred Armisen did a GREAT job playing Uncle Festus. Christina Ricci was meh as a the only normie teacher at the school.

In general, all of the other performances were suitable but not outstanding.

One last thing. In one episode Wednesday dances to the song Goo Goo Muck by the Cramps. It is transcendent. It surpassed Pulp Fiction’s dance scene for me.

Once again Ortega feels it fully and lets it rip while dancing.

For any Dads out there a huge percentage of girls/teen girls are probably watching this series. (my daughter is) It’s worth watching because it’s entertaining and compelling.

It’s a must see because it’s a great look into social dynamics of boys and girls and a GREAT platform to talk about the show with your daughter.

#wednesdayaddams #wednesday #wednesdaydance 

The White Lotus Season 2 Review

TL;DR: Season 2 was excellent in some ways but not as spectacular as Season 1. It is worth a watch.

White Lotus S2 was excellent but not as fantastic as S1.

I preferred what S1 explored (class and generational differences) and S2 (same or opposite sex relationships, family wounds).

S1 included both Steve Zahn and Connie Britton who I LOVE. And the hotel manager in S1 was beyond fascinating.

That being said:

Michael Imperioli (Dominic Degrasso) and Aubrey Plaza (Harper Spiler)were the clear winners for me. I wish I could have hooked up an IV and just taken their performances straight to my veins.

Imperioli's (Christopher in The Sopranos) performance as Dominic a son, father and husband with no integrity or morals in his relationships with women was subtle and riveting. I loved how he emoted the range of indifference, angst, regret etc with his cheating on and disregard for his wife and family.

The honesty between him and his Dad around their infidelity was fascinating.

Plaza as Harper who is a married woman with a disconnected but seemingly connected relationship was moving. The writing around what real “honesty is in a relationship was superbly portrayed.

Yes at times I thought there was similarities between her behavior and April’s on Parks and Rec and it just may be a gift or hers. The way she carries unvarnished truth telling and non-verbal exasperation and judgement is so easy to connect with.

Her husband, Ethan (played by Wil Sharpe who I've never seen before) was interesting to a certain extent.

The fact that he was uber rich from selling his company and that was his opportunity to alpha dog his friend Cameron wasn’t explained enough.

By far the most compelling part of his character was how the wounds of Cameron taking women he liked from him over the years of his relationship.

The fiery rage that found its way out of Ethan was such a great way to portray how long held frustrations find their way out into relationships.

I really liked the story line of Albi (Dominic’s son) and Portia (a rich woman’s assistant) was fascinating to see how they first met and where their arcs developed.

After meeting they each pursued other relationships that were more exciting (Portia’s for excitement, Albi’s for retribution) and how they ended up was interesting writing even if the characters were semi-compelling.

The show included a storyline of a woman who is essentially a closeted lesbian named Valentina. The way she emoted the uncertainty and vulnerability of getting into an intimate relationship with a woman at her age was fascinating.

She had never been with a woman until she was with Mia (one of a pair of two prostitutes) was ok but I don’t think it added much to the storyline since it was mostly sexual.

The subtle way they portrayed the messiness by Valentina’s post sex messy hairdo really worked.

The only carryover from last season to get all season screentime was Tanya (Jennifer Cooldge…yes Stiffler’s mom) annoyed me the whole time.

And I wonder if the part was written to annoy the audience. Her neediness and lack of perspective was so frustrating. Perhaps that was a win from the writer’s perspective.

I thought they overplayed Italy. I got tired of the shots of the cities, etc. The only nature part I really enjoyed was the crashing waves which I thought worked perfectly.

I did think the hotel worked well particularly given the variety of the settings it had. I thought the ornate villas/homes were not interesting. It felt like the show was working too hard to create a contextual setting that meant something that I couldn’t understand.

The storyline of the grandfather/father/son visiting the town the family is from was lame. It did not move the story forward when they met their apparent relatives.

While it became predictable, Albi getting swindled was a cool twist. I liked in particular because as part of getting the money to free Mia (the other of the two prostitutes) Albi all but sold himself out and still got burned.

The final episode was good but not great. It did solve the very first scene where Daphne is swimming and runs into a dead body. But it felt like the writers were trying to recreate the unparalleled excitement of the plot twist in Season 1 and it almost felt unnecessary.

10 random thoughts on Euphoria Season 2

10 random thoughts on Euphoria Season 2:

 

1. Most parents should watch

Every parent of children at least 10 years old should watch it. It opened me even more widely to the world that so many of our children and young adults live in metaphorically.

Please don’t be scared away by the way the script sensationalizes certain situations. When I look at the way the characters reflect on and react to feelings around sex, drugs, hurt, hope, family, etc. there is a literal treasure trove of guidance for us.

It also helps that it’s connective. My daughter knows I watched both seasons and I bring things up from time to time about it that helps our conversations as we have a shared context.

2. Zendaya is spectacular

Her non-verbal expressions of confusion, manipulation and a deep yearning for connection are somehow both heartbreaking and inspiring.

She breaks the fourth wall on the show in a way few performers can. She seems to look right through camera at me.

There is an entire episode devoted to her shaking people trying to get her help. It’s metaphorically a PERFECT representation of someone trying to fight getting help.

The script also portrays exactly the way a manipulative, sick, lost, desperate addict behaves.

It’s brutal and she pulls it off perfectly. I sincerely hope that she continues ascending because she’s a gift.

3. EVERY dad of daughters should watch this.

I didn’t put it together until the very end that a compelling, underlying narrative in this is the lack of a devoted loving father in many of the lives of these young women.

When I did, I was able to see the storylines in a brand-new light.

4. The look, feel and vibe is spectacular

The colors, tension and audacity of the show at times is overpowering AND compelling. It’s hard to stop watching.

The show has a bit of Coen Brothers and even David Lynch in it. There is what appears to be an homage to Raising Arizona in the Roo (Zendaya) scene running away.

And the very first episode when they end up at a drug dealer’s house the music, camera work and dancing is like Blue Velvet re-imagined.

5. The script has COURAGE.

It takes on subject matter that in my mind MUST be discussed. I get that topically it may seem like it’s sex, social media, cliques, drugs, etc. But the underlying subject Sam Levinson portrays are far deeper.

He takes on loneliness, confusion, loyalty in ways that I think are provocative and really hopeful that so many young people are watching it.

The script also focuses on making VERY difficult parenting decisions that include heartbreaking examples of letting go. Oh God when her mom and Roo's younger daughter were collateral damage to Roo's addiction...just wow.

Roo’s sponsor in the 12-step program is a powerful, surprisingly accurate portrayal of an emotionally healthy sponsor. It’s SO hard when people like Roo who we really root for end up on the edge of not making it.

6. Fezco (Angus Cloud) is my DUDE

He is like the nicest, coolest, hottest drug dealer ever. I swear sometimes I wish he was my dealer before I got clean and sober so many years ago.

I can tell you that some dealers actually have a version of a heart.

I wasn’t thrilled with the final scene with the cops, but I got what they were trying to do. His relationship with Lexi (Maude Apatow) is pleasantly perfect.

7. The Self Love Conundrum

There is a meditation on the dastardly idea of shaming anything other than self-love though the character Kat (Barbie Ferreira). It’s a stunningly perfect way to portray how there’s the weight of pressure to tell kids to love themselves.

Personally I think self-love is a REALLY high bar even for adults who often bear the unconscious wounds of our childhood. To casually suggest self-love is where it’s at when we don’t to our kids is poisonous.

I hated myself a lot when I was a kid (and even an adult). I loved how the scene explored that.

I wish she was in this season more, but I found out she got into a fight with the director.

8. Cassie, Nate, Maddy....no thanks!

Most every storyline around Cassie/Nate/Maddy was relatively uninteresting to me. The only relationship in that world that really interested me was Nate and his father.

The backstory on his dad was powerful. At one point the soundtrack had Devil Inside by INXS playing it was PERFECT.

However in generally I just didn’t find them as compelling as the many characters I already mentioned. Even characters like Elliott who was not total focus was way more interesting.

9. Random laughs

There are some random humor points in the show that I found laugh out loud funny.

One small one was when they went into a store to get alcohol and one of the characters made a reference to Kramer from Seinfeld, it was well placed and funny.

They were welcome breaths of fresh air during the intensity of the season.

10. Grief and Healthy Love

Finally, a big through story is Roo’s father’s death. Her reading the eulogy was Niagara Falls for me. And there is a quote about grief being a winding valley by CS Lewis.

it all resonated so powerfully with me. It’s heartbreaking to see how these young women are portrayed and the impact of not having guidance from loving dads.

Interestingly the one Dad that is supportive is Jules (who is played by trans actress Hunter Schafer).

Her character is one who treats Roo with detached love at the MOST important time. It feels important that she is guided at least partly by a dad who cares.

I recognize I’m leaving some stuff out but what I won’t leave out (yet again) is that we are in a golden age of television.

The boldness of creativity of shows like Ted Lasso, Atlanta, Euphoria, Abbott Elementary and SO many others is beyond inspiring.

Note that Season 2 wasn't better or worse than Season 1, just different.

I know many current parents of pre-teens and teenagers worry about the direction of them. I can assure you that works of art like this wipe that away for me.

It reminds me I have two choices, adapt to the trends/conversations/beliefs and connect there with what I believe in or fight it and get left behind.

I choose to adapt, and Euphoria helped me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad Vegan: Frame, Fraud, Fugitives is stunning

Bad Vegan: Frame, Fraud, Fugitives on Netflix is absolutely stunning.

 

It’s a 4 episode real life re-telling of the story of one time celebrity vegan chef and entrepreneur Sarma Menlngailis rise and subsequent brutal psychological fall with her husband Anthony Strangis.

 

It’s nothing short of gripping to experience a virtual front frow look into a man working a hustle and imposing psychological abuse on a woman.

 

I won’t give too much of the plot because there are some genuinely breathtaking real life plot twists.

 

The contextual story telling of her former employees and family members put a light on the helplessness and hopelessness when someone is embroiled in a web of lies and deceit with a person who all but has complete control of her.

And it's undeniable she did MAJOR damage to a number of people in her life financially and beyond.

 

Seeing how these people in her lives at times behaved healthy by letting go and/or saying no is really powerful given how hard it is/was. There is a homeless man in it who is spectacular.

 

She stepped into the relationship as an adult who admittedly has an attraction for people who are unusual and Strangis is beyond that. His manipulation reminds me of the way frogs are boiled.

 

This man got her comfortable with a certain level of warmth and then just slightly increased things as time went by to the point at which she didn’t know she was being nearly killed.

 

I like watching shows where there is a range of feelings about the person at times being on her side at times recognizing she was an adult and making choices early on.

 

Admittedly, it feels a little Springer-ish to be so captivated by it and I know watching it by mid episode 3 I wanted it to be over because how all encompassing it was becoming. Add to that the desire to "fix" her.

 

It was interesting that she read the book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when she was in junior high because the whole show felt like a Hunter S. Thompson dark adventure.

 

It’s curious to me that Netflix put both this and Tinder Swindler out because they have a lot of similarities.

 

At the end of the series I have somehow have a searing hatred and some level of compassion for Strangis in that he was clearly dangerous and psychologically abusive (and probably still is) (hatred) and seemingly is an addict (compassion).  And it doesn't excuse him not getting help after he does tremendous damage before and to her.

 

I also somehow feel quite a bit of sympathy for Menlngailis because she was absolutely run over by him. The scenes where she’s asked pointed questions about what she should have done are super real.

 

And I’m guessing it’s a result of having been asked it a ton of times and it’s just HARD to explain. Interestingly when I heard his manipulations I didn't have the urge to say "JUST GET OUT" as I know it's more complex that that.

 

Granted they lived a lavish lifestyle at times. Although Menlngailis would have lived that lifestyle had she never met that guy.

 

I would have liked to hear her give her perspective on what level of accountability she has in it which is at least some it would seem.

 

The raw part about this is that this couple essentially acted as if they were a cult of two people. One leader (the man) and one follower (the woman).

 

She’s likeable and compelling and it’s easy to see why she could raise money, she’s smart, passionate and gorgeous (ala Theranos).

 

I do wonder if friends of mine who have experienced abusive and controlling women would be pretty triggered and traumatized by the recorded conversations.

 

It just crushing that both the Tinder Swindler and this guy are out free right now and possibly the same or worse (or better I guess….).

 

I also realized that part of the way these men work is they essentially take a "spamming" mentality until they get one hooked and then take them on the same abusive journey. If the woman isn't hooked, they move on.

 

In any case, it’s not the most uplifting of series. It's not very redemptive.

 

In fact it’s allure seems to be in revealing the dark, dark side f our humanity and the wounded side of our emotions that gravitate towards it.

 

I suppose that may be what makes it so compelling. If you get a chance, give it a chance.

 

More than Kindness comes back: S2 through Ep 8 of Ted Lasso

Ted Lasso Season 2 to date (more than Kindness comes back):

 

It’s no secret that I absolutely loved Ted Lasso Season 1. It was a bright comedic comet blazing through the sky. In a world where things are rarely new, it felt fresh and new.

 

I felt like the writers of the show (and the cast) had earned the right to go to deep places if that’s what they wanted to do.

 

It was comedic and connective writing unlike most other shows I’ve ever watched. And fascinatingly I never cared whether they actually wove in sports scenes.

 

I recently binge watched all 5 seasons of Friday Night Lights and the football mattered in my experience of the script. Or even Hoosiers was helped by the basketball. In this show the sport was an accessory.

 

8 episodes into the second season I have a few reactions.

 

I’ll readily admit the first 4 episodes were “different”.

 

They continued the trend of taking on many subject matters that I think are very important (therapy, feminine sexual empowerment, parental influence in relationships) and much more.

 

And I know good friends who LOVED the first season that have since bailed on Season 2.

 

I felt a little unnerved because it was so noticeably different and there were even things that I was like “wait what??” (see the dog in the very beginning of S2 ep 1). It sort of felt like the writers were trying too hard at times to be sweet.

 

My discomfort with the way therapy was presented was unnerving, it seemed too simplistic. And what’s so odd is I have trust in the writers that they can/could take me to those difficult subjects and I trust them.

 

Now having completed Episode 8, they have me, fully. It doesn’t change my perspective that the first four episodes left me wanting more, like I felt they left something out.

 

Now they have me wanting more because I want to know more about the writers’ perspective on deeper issues where they are rewarding me with the trust I granted them given their skills.

 

BTW, the writers also have a habit of dropping hilarious lines that particularly please me (they brought in unbelievably “Mime is money” from This is Spinal Tap and in the most recent episode there is a HILARIOUS line about comparing how Ted Lasso like his water flat to a certain hoops superstar’s beliefs, among a bunch of other beautiful one liners).

 

Honestly the jokes are so quick and somehow both quite overt AND subtle that I wish they’d contextualize it. (Like why not explain the classic “Mime is money” take somehow?)

 

Like Season 1, I do wish in Season 2 the pace would slow down a bit, there’s SO much to explore.

 

Ted Lasso is still a spectacular Television show. It’s better than almost anything else out there.

 

However, it’s like a dinner party that has great conversation even as the subject matter and tone changes from course to course. There is a solemnity to some of the subjects and a VERY difficult comedic needle to thread to keep the laughter coming.

 

It’s managing to reframe the way in which kindness comes back. It’s re-imagining what it means to “BELIEVE” and who to believe in.

 

Maybe I'm moved so much because a big piece of the storyline this Season is the Father Son relationship as I grieve the loss of my father.

 

Expecting the magnificence of Season 1 Ted Lasso from Season 2 Ted Lasso is a path to frustration.

 

Appreciating the brilliance of Season 2 Ted Lasso from Season 2 Ted Lasso is a path to enjoyment.

 

And I’m on the path and thankful I stuck with the trust of the writers, crew and cast.

 

In some way, if you haven’t started watching Season 2, it’s a great binge watch for 8 episodes to get you up to date.

 

Kindness is still making a comeback and so is compassion, healing and understanding.

Beartown on HBO Max is MUST viewing for Dads of Daughters

I just finished Beartown on HBO Max and it was absolutely spectacular.

 

It’s a Swedish 5 episode series based on a book by the same title. It’s subtitled, which I all but forgot half way through the first episode and on.

 

It’s about a small town in Sweden where hockey is king. And like so many other shows lately, it’s not about hockey (like Queen’s Gambit or even Ted Lasso, but this one is grittier).

 

The story centers on a man who brings his family back to coach and bring the hockey club back to life.

 

However, the core topic the series brings up is the damaging and divisive nature of how ignoring the cultural impact of unaddressed wounds and behavior contributes to sexual assault and rape from truly toxic masculinity.

 

They handled it incredibly as they set it in the world of mostly teenagers guided by confused adults.

 

What makes it so compelling is how it carefully and easily the show weaves into the lives of so many people who are impacted by what happens.

 

The list of shows that have recently considered this crucial topic include:

 

13 Reasons Why

Unbelievable

Big Little Lies

Euphoria

Ginny and Georgia

 

And a bunch of others.

 

This one is just different. I was reminded of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series was done by a Swedish author and focused on parts of the same subject.

 

All the shows each add a little bit to the conversation which to me, frustratingly at times, seems to not really getting the attention it deserves.

 

I didn’t know a single actor in the show and nearly every one of the was spectacular. The script was powerfully written in a way that gave life to an ongoing and slowly twisting set of circumstances.

 

The Dad (Ulf Stenberg) goes through a heartwrenching series of harsh and deep realizations of what he’s contributed to. His daughter (Miriam Ingrid) has a face and presence that can carry a whole myriad of emotions.

 

The young men who played hockey were good but the main character (Oliver Dufaker) was perfectly detestable and also lost.

 

There were a dozen other powerful performances. And something about the show being set in a sub freezing context made it even more chilling at times.

 

Here’s the thing, the conversation around sexual assault is, in my estimation, still in its very infancy. It’s not that long ago that almost nothing was done about it. It’s still true that the same happens.

 

What this show does really well is show how the web of impact is far reaching and heartbreaking.

 

Not surprisingly I shed quite a bit of tears as the father and daughter in the show navigated this (poorly at times on the part of the Dad).

 

There is an absolutely searing scene in a bar bathroom in Episode 5 that blew me away when the woman who runs the place laid it out really clearly to the Dad.

 

It’s not easy subject matter, it never is. And each time I watch shows like this I’m realizing something.

 

I’m not less sensitized to the brutal reality of sexual assault and rape. In fact, what I am is more broadly aware of all that is involved on every level.

 

I hope you’ll consider watching it, I'm glad I did, my world opened up even more.  It should be crucial watching for Dads of Daughters because we MUST learn how to continue to watch for and talk about this subject.

 

Mr. Robot is Art at the Highest Form (and helps me be ok being weird)

Mr. Robot final review:

 

I finished the final episode of the season and show of Mr. Robot last night. And since last night I was absolutely streaming in tears at the end I waited until today to write about it. Truth be told what I really wanted last night was like 5 or 6 people to just talk about it with and probably shed some tears together.

 

I won’t spoil too much of it because if you haven’t watched it I SO recommend you try it. Admittedly I was hooked from the very beginning.

 

In 4 seasons, Mr. Robot was art at the highest form. I discovered last night that the writer/creator of it Sam Esmail has social anxiety disorder and founded a failed start up during the boom and decided to dedicate himself to writing and directing.

 

After several other failures, he hit the financial, spiritual, artistic and emotional jackpot with Mr. Robot. The premise is straightforward.

 

A socially anxious programmer (write what you know!) starts with a life at work and an outside hacker/Batman/Dexter (without the bloody killing mostly) existence of taking on evil people and evil companies. I readily admit that I’m a total sucker for computer nerdy empowered, cool stories (I LOVED Sneakers back in the day).

 

Rami Malek was literally made for this role playing Eliot. Over the 4 seasons, he demonstrated the range and depth to properly portray someone who is weird and powerful.

 

There are a variety of characters throughout the show (a slick and disturbing CTO Tyrell, a complex and badass agent Dominique, a cross dressing angel of death Whiterose, the incredible Fernando Vera who is a gang leader and even a character named Leon who no joked is played by Joey Bada$$ who is awesome and exactly a badass) that in my experience have the same kind of likeability/hateability of characters from Tarantino movies or the TV series Fargo from the Coen Brothers.

 

There is only one character in my mind who is way below the standard and unfortunately she’s central named Angela, the love interest of the Eliot. She's a weak actor and hard to connect to. She’s nicely offset by his sister Darlene who is spectacular. She is strong and both repelling and inviting.

 

The show does come hard and fast with topics and perspectives so I really needed to be on top of it to know what’s happening.

 

The first season is beyond spectacular. Seasons 2-3 had some excellent moments and was generally really good. Season 4 was phenomenal.

 

But here’s the big payoff:

 

I think, increasingly, entertainment is I hope, headed towards a future where it takes on the latent cruel and sometimes disastrous impact of childhood wounds. I think entertainment will increasingly take on mental illness in a way that is direct and real.

 

It’s a dark subject that feels really lonely and after watching the show it feels a little less so. Having been called weird more times in my life than I care to mention, the powerful message throughout helped me make sense of what that means.

 

The show portrays an inner reality manifested (real and unreal) in an outer existence. I’m getting more convinced every day that there are more of us who face this and want to see real, engaging entertainment that tells those stories and talks about it in a real way.

 

Suffice to say the end of it last night brought sooo many of the subjects to the forefront. And as I sobbed as the show ended in such a meaningful way I turned off the tv and kept crying for a bit and then eventually stopped and just sat there.

 

I sat in appreciation of the magnificent work of art and in deep gratitude that in my mind we are in a golden age of Television entertainment. There is more and better programming than ever.

 

And thank God almighty that someone in power at USA said yes to this quirky idea and this magnificent tale. I’m a better person for having been along for the ride.

The TV Series Euphoria was sort of euphoric

After watching the entire first season of Euphoria on HBO I felt compelled to write up my reaction and review of it.  Partly because I think more people (particularly parents) should watch and partly because I need to process what I saw.

I’ll say this upfront.  It’s not a lighthearted, fun look at life.  It’s deep, powerful, confronting and magnificent at times.  And, in some ways like 13 Reasons Why I needed to catch myself a bit between episodes because the ride is wild.

If you’re willing to take the ride and see it for what it is, the ride is fantastic.

The basic premise is a social circle of high schoolers is followed throughout the season.  The show is visually exquisite.  The characters have an interesting mix of full on make up and outfits that remind of the incredible film Party Monster, colorful and extreme at times.  And it was cool how seeing characters both in the full get up vs not at all helped set the story in different emotional contexts.

The drug use and sexual content is super raw and in my estimation overexaggerated with a purpose.  It does help create more suspense when a character faces a situation (like a drug dealer cutting off an addict) or a person (an abuser meeting who has someone cornered). 

I think it glamorizes the drug use too much, similar to the excellent movie Go at times, but more intense.  It doesn’t really do enough to show what that path means in the long term (usually death, jail, streets, etc.)  And while it accurately shows the reality of the shortcomings of participation in paths to sobriety, given the audience, I think it would have really helped to go deeper into what it means to really live sober. 

I think it portrays a LOT of sexual subjects that range from ordinary to taboo.  I wish it would have somehow woven in a real, honest discussion of what that range means.  Sex is way too often in the dark and is an expression of the unresolved issues in our lives. 

I think this show given it’s edge could have done a lot to explore that in a way that could perhaps illuminated that path to approval and acceptance.  There was one character (noted below) who did get deeper into taboo but mostly presented it and didn’t really explore it and bring it more into the light.

Most of the teenage characters have an emotional range that is explored in a way that feels right for a teenager but again exaggerated.  One of the core messages I got from Euphoria as a parent is:  In order for me as a parent to have a real relationship with trust, accountability and authenticity I need to have worked to clear my own issues.

The courage to stand in the face of the emotional volatility or withdrawal of the teenage characters is not easy.  And there are lots of examples of the teenagers getting around it.  I think the parents portrayed generally show many of the shortcomings of an adult life lived without really getting healthy. 

For example a Dad is living a seriously sexual dark double life and I cringed at the dubious life lived as a lie and the damage it does to his son.  Both “present” magnificently and live destructively.

But that’s my point about the show, it’s a relatively niche exaggeration of a core point.  When we as parents live a lie, it’s passed to our children.  And the heartache to see that when the son (played by Jacob Elordi), who is enormous, suffer because he knows he is impacted by the damage but has no model to get out of it, it’s brutal.

The way social media and phones are presented as both a connector and destructor are in my estimation nearly perfect.  I prefer that they let things play out by showing the text and image interactions.  That feels real. 

Personally I would like to have seen more attention paid to somehow modeling a way some of these kids take responsibility for where they are.  The show I think while accurately portrays the damage passed on does very little to show at what point does a teenager see that they have agency and responsibility regardless of what’s modeled.

But I guess that wouldn’t necessarily be compelling.

The main character named Rue is played by a woman named Zendaya and she is nothing short of magnificent in her role.  She plays the exaggerated inner life of an emotionally confused teenager who tries to use drugs to attend to her turmoil.  She literally jumps off the screen in most of her scenes. 

Zendaya’s love interest/best friend Jules (played by Hunter Schafer) was also impossible not to notice when they were on the screen.  Admittedly, I didn’t know until my niece informed me that Hunter plays a transgender character.  I can’t tell you if I would have seen or experienced her differently had I known that, but there was an obvious plot point I missed.

Finally, the main drug dealer (played by Angus Cloud) was terrific as well.  He genuinely seemed to embody the idea that even people who do massive damage by virtue of what they do try in some cases to do the right thing.  At times, I wanted him to do more and be more forceful but he couldn’t quite cross the line.  It was fascinating to see the depiction of a person who was the conduit for damage seem to confusingly care about the person he was damaging.

The overall arcs of some of the characters were hard to make sense of.  One of the young women goes into a sexual vortex to find her power only to by the end of the season seem most fulfilled by leaving it behind. 

Watching the show, for me, the high point was an entire episode set at a Carnival.  It was visually stunning and the plot lines and reveals that occurred in that context were fast and furious.  I felt like I was on the edge of my seat as it played out and is one of the best episodes of television I’ve seen in a long time.

In the end it felt sort of euphoric to watch Euphoria.  Meaning, I enjoyed the trip through our inner emotional worlds  Increasingly I think that's what most art/media etc is about.  This is someone exploring their inner world through the channels of these compelling characters.  It's worth it, if you can make it through.

Vietnam Documentary by Burns & Novick Cuts Deeply

I finished Ken Burns & Lynn Novick’s documentary on Vietnam and it was absolutely gripping.  I’m publishing a post that maybe 2 or 3 people will read and maybe none will read all the way through. 

When something hits me like this, I guess I want to put something out in public just to know I did.  If you have any desire to watch it, please do and consider not reading this because it gives a lot of it away.

I was stunned by how little I knew about the war that my Uncle served in.  I remember asking him 15 years ago why we went, he said “If we didn’t who would have?”.  I would have a different perspective today on his response and WAY more compassion. 

It’s ironic that in 2001 I visited Vietnam, where I clearly stood out.  And yet, every single person I met was kind, curious and generous.  It’s memorable in that the people are nicer than maybe any other foreign country I’ve ever visited personally (Australia is a close second). It's hard to understand hearts that big given what happened.

For me the most powerful and insightful interviews were with John Musgrave.  His riveting points which willingly let the viewer into completely what he felt about it all was beyond stunning (and he walked me through his own changing perception too). 

That being said, the interviews with Vincent Okamoto, Bao Ninh, Roger Harris and Nguyen Ngoc were incredible too.  There’s something uncommon about people who can hold both the clarity of duty and the bloody pool of pain of the war simultaneously in a discussion.

Understanding that even if Burns’ desire was to have a balanced view, it’s hard to believe that some endorsed narrative wasn’t unconsciously or consciously there, here are a few reflections:

• I have a completely new perspective of the men and women who served for the US in Vietnam. At one point we had a stunning 500,000+ troops there (about 20% were actively fighting according to the doc).  The Vietnamese more or less did not want them there.  The majority of the troops did not speak the language. 
  
  Enemies were woven into those who weren’t in the population.  How do you distinguish which is which?  Many of these kids (and they were kids) were 18-20 years old.  They were still developing their moral compasses. 
  
• I learned two unforgettable lessons that I never considered about fighting a war.
  
  First, that life or death fighting can be a high. According to him (I can’t remember which one said it), the situation more or less requires your absolute and total attention.  There’s nothing else on your mind.  Before and after you face the depression and agony of it, during it that’s gone.  It sounds exactly like a drug.
  
  Second, was from Mr. Okamoto who talked about when he was shot and he thought for sure he would die.  At that point, he said, nothing else really matters other than inflicting as much damage on the enemy trying to finish the job as possible.  He talked about the incredible freedom of that feeling.
  
• I cried hardest in the last episode where they documented the Vietnam war memorial and how it was created. There’s a moment where one veteran who initially hated it ultimately went to visit it because his roommate, who was killed, was being honored and he had to go.  His transformation about his perspective on it was deeply moving.
  
  Related to that Nancy Bieberman’s apology of how she protested the war in that same episode was heart wrenching.  It’s fascinating to see the perspective changes documented.
  
• I don’t believe that war crimes were happening as often and uniformly widespread as I thought before I watched it. I do believe that a huge percentage of those that fought witnessed some version of war crime during that time.   
  
  I know now that there was a massacre at My Lai where between 350-500 people died including many women and children.  I learned that had Hugh Thompson, Jr and his crew hadn’t landed it would have gotten worse.  He got in between the soldiers and the civilians and warned the soldiers that if they kept shooting civilians he’d start shooting them.
  
• Almost every person interviewed (on both sides) had friends who were killed virtually right next to them. I don’t know how an 18-25 year old (barely a year and half older than my 16 year old daughter) can see this for one year or two and ever really leave it behind.
  
  The two things they said and in some ways repeated is you NEVER leave your wounded and you ALWAYS go back for the dead.  I will never see Vietnam Veterans in the same light.
  
• One chilling part was when Mr. Musgrave said that he killed “one human being” and suffered from the guilt and remorse of that. It was his first kill.  From that point forward he spoke about how he thought of killing as wasting the enemy by calling them the widely used slurs for Vietnamese people.  It felt like that was how he made sense of it.
  
  Honestly, I know people today who can’t tell the difference between a Korean, Japanese and Thai person (who each have features that are nearly unmistakably different).  So I wouldn’t be surprised if at some level many of the population looked the same to them.  I wonder if that changed their perspective about killing although I don’t recall that exactly being said in the documentary.
  
• The inclusion of many North Vietnamese in the documentary was brilliant. It humanized the enemy and on many occasions helped me understand why they fought as they fought.  One particular interview about how a soldier would fight, walk 100’s of kilometers home then not long after go back to fight.
  
  While our 18 year olds looked fresh faced, the pictures of the North Vietnamese and Viet Cong soldiers were stunningly young.  Their relentlessness and outmaneuvering in the face of the bombing devastation was incredible.
  
  It was revealing when one of them talked about how the US going after their wounded was an opportunity for them to kill more soldiers.
  
  At one point a highly placed officer in the US army said that he wished he had 200 of them to fight for him.
  
• It was illuminating to learn that before Vietnam we widely believed that our government didn’t lie. Seeing how presidents Kennedy, Johnson & Nixon in their own ways misled us about the war was chilling. 
  
  The documentary does a terrific job of showing just how much the governments on all sides were lying.  They all had vested interests in making sure it looked like their cause was just and they were in fact winning.  
  
• Richard Nixon’s motivation was almost singularly to get elected and to control the narrative. While the other presidents tried to hide facts, based on the evidence presented (again which is incomplete but felt representative) Nixon was an outright liar.  His lying about the bombing in Cambodia and his role in the South Vietnamese backing out of peace talks right before the 1968 election were particularly egregious.
  
  His conversations with Kissinger where he all but admitted that he knew the war wasn’t winnable but he wanted to time the outcome to give him the best chance of being elected were a heartwrenching look into politics.  I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if many of our current politicians use some form of this as an approach.
  
• Nixon won in 1968 with 43% of the vote and George Wallace (a known segregation champion) won 13% of the vote….of the DEMOCRATS! Nixon then destroyed his competition in the ’72 election.  Like him or not, he was a brilliant, dirty politician.  His silent majority speech was frighteningly savvy.
  
• Over a MILLION Vietnamese died in that war (estimates vary, this is the low end). Our bombings absolutely decimated the country and took a LOT of innocent lives.
  
• I finally learned what the Tet Offensive was. I literally didn’t know what happened, now I do.
  
• There was a wide group of people who ultimately opposed the war. I have a feeling that most of them peacefully protested the war.  The documentary seems to show that they mostly weren’t so peaceful. 
  
  I was astonished at the HUGE numbers of people who protested.  It reminds me that when there is a clear, simple, common cause, people can get behind it.
  
• I learned there was a group called the Weathermen who more or less looked to create conflict. They were widely unwelcome to the movement because it gave the pro-war side something to point to as it being a problem and detracted from the effort.  Makes me see Antifa as something that while it’s understandable it may not ultimately be productive.
  
• I learned that like today there were plenty of people who felt differently about the same issue. They supported war and importantly supported our troops there and home.  Trying to bridge the two groups is virtually impossible.
  
• There is a difference between watching a movie and watching a thorough documentary. Admittedly, much of my perspective on the war came from movies like Platoon, Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, Deer Hunter and many more.  For me there is a distinct difference between hearing it from people who actually went through it rather than people playing characters that may have gone through it or some combination of those that did. 
  
  For example, as brutal as the movie was, the scenes from the POW’s in Deer Hunter didn’t match the actual stories from POW’s.  There’s almost a distance I can create between a movie and an experience.
  
  It also dawns on me that if hearing the experience from someone who went through affects me differently (and perhaps more disturbingly) than a movie then certainly actually going through it would be WAY more damaging.  I know that sounds basic, but it’s a realization that I had about the hell of war.
  
  And on a side note, Donald Trump’s comment about John McCain as  POW not being a winner was reprehensible.  I can’t honestly imagine how that must have felt for the hundreds of men who endured torture and unspeakable treatment as POW’s.
  
• The last episode which documents how we pulled out of Vietnam was beyond difficult to watch. The hopeless families desperate to get out as the North Vietnamese army invaded was terrible in the context of our broken promise to help them came to life, a promise that we probably should never even have made.
  
• I’ve come to a point that I think people who are making decisions on war should only be people who really understand war. And I think the only ones who REALLY understand war are those that have been in it.  It chills me to think that there are people making real decisions about war who don’t know the horror it involves.
  

More than anything else I felt tremendous compassion for the people fighting on both sides of the war, it was horrific. 

I bristle at times when people say learn your history or your doomed to repeat it.  I feel like it’s more of sentence to keep doing the same things.  Like there’s not enough room to clearly see the present moment.  This documentary certainly squarely challenged my position.

I’m irreversibly changed forever having watched it in ways that I’m not even aware of yet.