T-M-I from T-I-M

Topic 4: Why I no longer weep at songs that remind me of a young Zoe

Topic 4 of several: How I stopped repeatedly weeping at the same songs

Monday Nov 14, I had a transcendent healing experience after Nov 11 & 12 performing my play The Father Daughter Dance.

There are certain songs I listened to when Zoe was very young. Over the last 5 years in particular when I would listen to those songs, I would cry…. like EVERY time.

The songs include:

Make You Feel My Love (acapella version)
Daughters by John Mayer
Wrong Turn by Jack Johnson

I’d listen to them connect back to when she was young and I was in the darkest days of my addiction. My tears flowed because of the regret for what I was during those years.

The last two songs in Shawshank Redemption (So Was Red and End Title) in particular were really painful.

When Zoe was a baby, we traveled on an airplane to Virginia. She was fussy, I was admittedly a bit high. That being said, I took her in my arms and she rested on my chest.

I walked up and down the aisle of the plane comforting her by humming those songs from Shawshank Redemption as she calmed down and fell asleep in my arms. It was a tender, loving moment that I chose to look at with regret.

I have been listening to all those songs in the last week and a half there are not tears of regret. I’ve forgiven myself for who I was then.

When I shed a tear listening to them it’s purely from how beautiful the songs are.

There’s a legitimate difference between tears of shame and regret and tears of the joy of the beauty of music. Now I know the difference and that I’m healed.

Get busy living or get busy dying.

The Adele Effect: A shocking connective Karaoke experience

The Adele Effect:

I went to a Karaoke party recently in my neighborhood. My 'hood is filled with young professionals who like to party.

As such, the bar (which is awesome called Silver Clouds in SF) was jam packed with mostly young men and women.

The women were pretty partiers mostly.

The dudes....they were often big, in shape dudes' dudes. Probably work out, play sports, etc.

Often that night they were seen chest bumping each other, a group of them were taking turns punching a hanging speed bag to see who could score the most and yelping their barbaric yelp.

The songs being chosen were mostly the kind of stuff you'd expect at a Karaoke club.

However, at one point a woman got on stage and had chosen "Someone Like You" by Adele.

I had never heard the song before and something magically unexpected happened.

Nearly EVERY person, young, old, in/out of shape, man and woman started soulfully belting out this tune by Adele. It was almost inexplicable.

The unbelievable thing was NOBODY was looking at the screen for the words, they ALL knew them. I was shocked.

Earlier in the evening I met and our hoops group adopted a lesbian couple that had recently gotten married they were BELTING the song out along with everyone else as I sat next to them.

They were the ones that told me it was Adele. Several of my hoops buddies were singing their hearts song along with Adele.

These two young men (one black, one white) both over 6 feet, in incredible shape with a group of women were near us too going all America's Got Talent or The Voice.

I pulled the black dude aside and told him that he totally owned the song.

He said to me "I f**cking LOVE that song!!!" and we became friends for the rest of the evening, dancing together at one point to Love Shack.

I've never seen anything like it. And I learned today (but will share it tomorrow) more about what the song is about and it makes the whole experience even MORE unbelievable.

One of my peak Karaoke experiences of all time came from the unexpected connective beauty of a song that transcends race, gender, sexuality, age and apparently alcohol intake.

Thank you Adele....

Fetch the Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple (Review)

I just listened to Fiona Apple's new album beginning to end as I worked. A few thoughts:

 

Her songwriting is excellent, angry and interesting. The music is uneven on the album. I'd give it a 6 or 7.

 

Admittedly, I'm a sucker for and prefer attractive tunes to deep ones that aren't as likable. (Radio Clash or Once in a Lifetime or I are perfect examples of songs that I like more for the song than caring about the message)

 

Fetch the Bolt Cutters is a magnificent song, the best on the album for me. It's a perfect example of a song with an attractive hook, good melody and writing that attracts me.

 

There's a few others that are cool too like Ladies, Shameika and Heavy Balloon.

 

I'm seeing the tidal wave of "magnificent artistry" type reactions online. My narrow and particular point of view is it's the kind of artistry that you kind of have to like (like Hamilton which was in my mind really good but not great).

 

It's entirely possible that her music and writing is designed to speak to and attract certain people that I'm not one of.

 

It's also true that I saw her live many years ago and she was absolutely transcendent. She did a cover of Sitting in Limbo that literally had the entire audience transfixed. She has a few songs that are my all time favorites from the past.

 

I'll be interested in what others think.

Kobe Bryant, John Lennon and the drumming guy in SF

On the bus this morning I heard a podcaster compare the Kobe’s death to John Lennon’s death.  My immediate reaction was um no.  Then he explained the jarring nature of a seemingly timeless figure cut down seemingly WAY too early and it made sense.

As I walked to work after getting off the bus, I passed an old black dude with a ratty drum set that plays along music for a meager living each day, I’ve heard him hundreds of times.

This morning however, God was speaking, and I listened.

I heard it clear as day as I walked towards him…he was playing “Imagine” by John Lennon.

I was walking with some amount of purpose as usual, but I could feel my heart and soul crumbling as I the music got louder, and I passed him. 

As I did, I broke down crying, I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t want to.

I got about 50 feet past him and turned around the song still playing and took out a $20 bill and gave it to him and said, through tears, my voice faltering as my heart was breaking, “Thank you for playing this song.”

He was busily getting ready to play but immediately and completely stopped and his big brown eyes met mine as and he put his hands in front of his hearts and without words, while still sitting bowed deeply to me, he bowed deeply to us.

In that moment his soul met mine.  It’s the unspoken experience of the word namaste.

John Lennon means so much to me.  Hours after Zoe was born, while in a container that she nearly burst out of because she was born just a day or so too early, the first song I sang to her was “Beautiful Boy” by John Lennon, substituting Girl for Boy.

When I sang it the nurse who was a few steps away said to me “That’s so beautiful, she recognizes your voice”.

After he bowed, I didn’t know what to say to him and turned and walked briskly away like a little boy again not sure how to talk to someone face to face who I’ve never met about these deep feelings I was having.

It wasn’t just Kobe I was feeling.  It was his daughter.  It was the other parents and kids on the helicopter.  It was a lot of the people I know in my life who don’t know what to make of the emotions they are feeling (MANY of them beautiful men in my life).

It was the tip of the emotional spear that then opened up to what I’m feeling about my Dad, about my brother who died (more on that another day), my daughter who I love so much it hurts me sometimes, the uncertainty of it all.

As I turned the corner I decided rather than just breathe deep and leave the experience, I searched Imagine on Spotify and played it on repeat and let whatever tears wanted to flow, flow freely as I walked the rest of the way to work. 

I don’t know what people make of someone walking to work crying, I don’t know what I make of it when I see it, but I so rarely see it.

After hearing a million Kobe stories recently it dawned on me that Kobe and John Lennon would probably have gotten along really well.  (I mean can you imagine them meeting and them maybe having a laugh that you say Kobe, and everyone knows but if you say John, it could mean a million people?) 

I’ve learned Kobe had an unquenchable curiosity.  I almost can’t listen to more stories about how he felt about having daughters because it’s too much for me.

Maybe their souls are in the afterlife dancing or playing hoops. 

Who knows?

I know God is speaking to everyone in some way or another during this time (if you believe in some kind of God or Goddess).

And what I know for certain is at least for today I’m listening.

Do you think you know music bands and artists?

Well, if you do, check out the attached picture.  My everlasting love and respect to anyone who gets all of them right.

The lost art of the mix tape

I made yet another mix CD last night.  I downloaded a few tunes I wanted and made the CD in less than 30 minutes.  The process felt so....cheap.

In the old days, I had to buy entire albums (or on occasion 45's) to get the music I wanted.  Or even better, borrow some of my older brothers' albums without asking.  I had to buy the cassette tapes which weren't cheap.  Today it's access to everything all of the time burnt on a really cheap CD.

I remember, quite fondly, the days when I would spread my few CD's and LP's (yes I'm that old) out on the floor and strategize about order and vibe of the mix tape.  Should Prince follow Michael Jackson or vice versa?  It depended:

Little Red Corvette before PYT.

Rock With You before Let's Go Crazy.

It was truly about the journey when making a mix tape.  I had to listen to each song as I made the tape which helped me with the flow of the tape.  The process felt so....artistic. 

My mixes typically started out with fun, dancing music and moved into a more mellow vibe.  But I still had to think about order.  Should James Taylor follow Paul Simon or vice versa?  It depended:

You've Got a Friend before Slip Sliding Away.

Still Crazy After All These Years before Carolina on Mind.

As the songs were added to the mix tape the cassette tape seemed to transform into my mind.  It came to life because it went from a blank slate to telling a story that I authored.  The process felt so....real.

Just as the mix seemed to end with a mellow vibe, I would pick it back up with some rock music to up the pulse for the end.  Again, I thought about order.  Should Led Zeppelin follow the Doors or vice versa?  It depended:

LA Woman before Kashmir (in fact LA Woman before most any song....)

Black Dog before Love Me Two Times

And when the job was finally done, I had the gift of gifts.  A tape that I would likely play hundreds of times.  I got a surge of joy when people would ask if they could "have a copy" of it (p2p sharing in its infancy).  After a while I would put it aside for a new one.  Invariably, I would go back to it months later and play it and get a feeling of near nostalgia remembering the day putting it together.

That process and feeling is just lost now and in some ways a part of me went with it.

Harry Chapin: A lovely, connecting light

I can't tell you exactly why but for some reason Harry Chapin's light is a big part of my consciousness right now.  Harry Chapin died, way too young at 38, in a car crash in 1981.  He was a big part of my musical life growing up as we used to listen to the 8 track of his live album in a giant Suburban on trips or just around town when I was a kid.

His most famous song "Cats in the Cradle" is pretty cool but some of his other music is beauty without musical reference for me.  Some of it's fun like 30,000 Pounds of Bananas and some of it is touchingly poignant, like Taxi.

I read about his life on wikipedia a few things that were fascinating:

His daughter Jen said: "He saw hunger and poverty as an insult to America" and

Chapin donated an estimated third of his paid concerts to charitable causes, often performing alone with his guitar to reduce costs

Part of me is really surprised that there hasn't been a movie made about his life and if it has been made already it probably should be remade with a serious marketing blitz.

He's just a cool dude and it's unfortunate he was taken from us.  Check out the video below, the love and emotion just flow so freely when he plays, it rocks.

The largest Thriller dance!

You have gotta love this.  A group called "Thrill the World" is planning on setting the Guiness book of World Records record for the most people dancing simultaneously to Thriller ever.  There's an SF version of it going down. 

I may even grab a cubic zirconia studded glove, make myself look white (oops already have that one down), light my hair on fire while drinking a pepsi, maybe even get a young boy drunk, take him to the zoo and then sleep in a sleeping bag with him (that's the closest I can get to being in Neverland with MJ himself)...I'm kidding of course, I don't own a sleeping bag...I'm KIDDING relax!!

Anyhoo, here's the site if you would like to get your freak on.

A SUPERIOR Piece on the Imagine Piano in the WSJ

A friend of mine at work just sent me a link to this beautiful article about the piano that John Lennon owned and composed Imagine on that is now owned by George Michael.  In the piece, Ann Zimmerman writes about how the piano goes from place to place in honor of peace in the midst of violence.

Recently it was at Virginia Tech after the shootings occurred.  It was interesting to read that the folks at Columbine said thanks but no thanks to it.

Not many folks know about things like this that people do.  It convinces me even more strongly that every little bit any one of us does helps all of us.

Thanks to Ann Zimmerman and WSJ.com for sharing this with the world.

What song has the best story to it?

Common People by Pulp

Scenes from an Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel