T-M-I from T-I-M

Notes on Dave Eggers Interview with Michael Lewis

I went to a FABULOUS event last night where authors Dave Eggers (A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, A Hologram for a King) interviewed Michael Lewis (Moneyball, Liar's Poker, Big Short).

They are both Bay Area authors and clearly good friends with different mindsets but similar heart's desire to see our world improve.

I've read books by both of them. It's interesting because Eggers writes like I think, which is both comforting and confronting somehow.

Lewis writes from the byproduct of how my mind seeks things out and I learned more why that's true in the convo.

A few fabulous nuggets from last night:

Lewis said you don't know what book you wrote until people start reading it. He also mentioned how people can come up with two completely different, opposing opinions by reading his books.

They both agree that if we could create ways and encourage younger people from all parts of life to meet it would help us out of the division many of us sense.

Lewis, who is mostly liberal, said he has plenty of Trump friends in his world and he judges people for who they show themselves to be not who they vote for.

He also is launching what sounds like an AMAZING show on Apple TV about Cuban baseball players.

I learned that what makes Michael Lewis so successful is he has a seemingly unquenchable curiosity for stories, often from people we've never heard about.

He told an absolutely HILARIOUS story about how he learned to act like royalty in New Orleans as a kid and it randomly came in handy when he met Princess Diana. OMG it was spectacular.

They discussed the benefit of writing a book and handing it off to a movie maker because they worry less about the movie knowing the book has its own identity.

Lewis said that there are subject matter experts all over the world who have one trait in common: Many of them have no idea how to market themselves so they go unrecognized.

He told a story from his podcast (which is excellent) about Arthur Allen who created a life saving way to look at drift when people are lost at sea that's saved lives but he doesn't think to promote it. (It relates to a post I did on the Sammy awards for the government)

He talked about his book that was on the pandemic but not really about the pandemic.  It's a fascinating story of how a gigantic part of our government is run in about as inefficient and ineffective way.

And somehow certain people in the system make it work in some cases.  He told a story about a meningitis outbreak where a bold female doctor made an individual decision in spite of a misguided organizational edict to the contrary that saved lives.  

Finally Lewis mentioned that he has an idea for a TV show on an all woman's hedge fund that thrives basically on the shortcomings and idiocy of men....fascinating.

Of course I asked a question in Q&A, I always try to at these events, what a great opportunity to interact with thought leaders.

They discussed early on how the US is better than any other nation in the world at expanding our knowledge base and somehow that's dividing us more.

Arthur Allen who created the software (with a team) that helped with drift to save lives did so because he was crushed when a he learned a mom and daughter died at sea because they couldn't find them.

The mom was his wife's age, the daughter was his daughter's age at the time.

So my question was if love and compassion can fuel the expansion of knowledge like this why can't the expansion of knowledge then fuel back into love, compassion and feelings?

They were both intrigued but fairly flat footed about the question. In fact Lewis passed it to Eggers saying "this isn't my expertise". It was such a wonderful moment.

Eventually they both got tot he point mentioned above that the solution begins with younger teenagers, not our generation which I 100% agree with.

And it's perfectly put in their hands because they comparatively value inclusion more than our generation does.

These SF City Arts Lectures are superb. So glad I went.

Tom Hanks & Dave Eggers @ SF City Arts

Reflections on Tom Hanks interviewed by Dave Eggers last night (who was an incredible interviewer, weird Tom Hanks pic in that link btw) in no particular order:

Tom Hanks had a mix and match upbringing in the Bay Area that included his “original parents” as he said getting divorced.  He said he was kind of big deal because his parents got divorced at a time when only people named Zsa Zsa got divorced.

At some point during his youth, he realized that acting was not just something to goof off and have fun with but something to be studied.  He talked about a class where they read a play, went to see it and wrote a paper on it and that was part of the transformation.

He said he thought one movie could be done over and over:  That Thing You Do!  He also talked about the inspiration being a song called Little Honda by the Hondells and how they got sick of singing that hit song.  He kind of wanted the movie viewers to get tired of the song “That Thing You Do” in the movie. 

My truth is I wish he would have played the full song every time because the camera work each time they did it and the setting of the story was different each time.  I also binge listened to that song with my daughter when she was like 10 and we loved it.

He talked about how he writes pages and pages of backstory for characters when he does movie that go beyond the script.  I didn’t even know actors did that.  The idea is to create a past story for the context of the current character’s motivation.

This is probably really basic for most, but I didn’t know that each scene in a movie has a purpose:  to move the story forward.  He talked about how one director told him they need to find the “Red Dot” in the scene.  (I couldn’t help but think of the Seinfeld Sweater episode or a few of my married Hindu friends)

He has a book of short stories and so many of them are founded either in history or in the lived experience of both discovering our tiny part of the universe and the related gigantic reality of our lives in that context.  I really appreciated how he shared that he doesn’t feel drawn to the classic protagonist/hero narrative. 

He told the story about how his Father In Law came to America which was a compelling 2 hour chat.  When he mentioned how incredible the story was to his wife, his wife said basically I’ve never heard the story, what was it?  It’s funny how we have people in our lives where there is tons of back story that we may not even be aware of.

He did a great physical imitation of writers who are confused and uncertain.  About that time, he also touched on how a writer thinks a story will go one way but upon writing it, the story follows tributaries to the river down all kinds of other paths.

This is not an exact quote, but he sort of said “Hubris and celebrity are not qualifiers for leadership” or something like that as he reflected on politics.  Not long after that he responded that he would not run for President.  He said that the level of commitment and ideological certainty at a minimum don’t fit.

One of the best stories was when he shared about the scene in John Adams where Adams was the lawyer for the British Soldiers who shot into the mob.  It was a substantial reframe of a historical event for him.  It is a totally compelling scene from a series I’ve watched twice from beginning to end.

He brought up how when he watched movies he assumed everything was totally accurate.  (he told a really funny side story about how he talks to people he portrays in movies saying he’ll do things they’ve never done, go places they’ve never been and his single desire is to play them truthfully!)  He feels a responsibility to be as close to accurate as possible because he understands kids sometimes watch it.

One funny quote:  “Politics is Hollywood for ugly people”

The quality he thinks is most important in work of almost any kind and I’m guessing life is perseverance.  He talked about when the phone is not ringing with opportunities you have to keep fighting for your dream.  I know it seems like a throwaway quote, but for some reason it felt real for him.  He seems like a really hard worker.

He talked about the abuses of power in the industry and not surprisingly strongly called it out as wrong.  He also asked the women in the audience to basically clap if they’ve been harassed or assaulted in the work place and it seemed like 80-90% of the women clapped.

Finally, three reflections on how he talked. 

First, I’ve seen other actors/actresses talk and they tend to talk about acting at a level that is just not relatable.  He takes on the same topics but does it understandably.  It made it totally engaging.

Second, dude swears like a sailor at times.  He dropped f-bombs like he was auditioning for a Scorsese mob flick.

Third, he’s funny, like really funny.  I don’t know why but I was surprised he was that funny.

Flow in Parenting (NERD ALERT!!!)

Dear reader, before you read this you must know I'm a nerd at heart...you've been warned...

I’m reading Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and I came upon this diagram and it stopped me in my tracks because it’s a perfect description of raising a daughter.  The skills required and challenges faced over time  provide a near perfect mathematical relationship that gets ever more rewarding.

Basically I start at the lower left hand of the graph in flow (A1).  She’s a baby and I get the basic skills of changing diapers, burping and feeding up until maybe 2 years old.  It was mostly solution oriented (along with a lot of goofy playing).  And as my skills in that area improve if that’s all that’s required I start to get bored (A2).  The cure for that boredom is bigger challenges.

And age has a magnificent way of offering bigger and bigger challenges.  We don’t even have a choice, the challenges just happen.  And to meet those challenges my skills need to improve.  As she started to walk and talk my type and level of engagement with her had to change. 

It started to be about not just responding to the cries but inspiring her curiosity, helping her find her voice or introducing her to new activities or social situations up until about 8 years old. It was still pretty much solution oriented (along with even more goofy playing).  That actually worked quite well as I worked to improve my skills and the challenges increased, I found flow again (A4).

Then the challenges spiked faster than I could handle it with the normal development of skills.  Right around 9 or 10 the challenge became far deeper.  My daughter now needed a Dad who knew or would learn how to let her express her feelings.

I felt anxiety because her needs (seemingly overnight) changed in a way that I was not equipped to handle (A3).  I have spent the better part of the last 3-4 years trying to catch up.  The solution oriented approach that worked so well works far less now.  And honestly it seems like every year from 10 to 13 so far the challenges have been exponential not incremental.

To find flow I need to improve my skills.  I readily admit that I have not sought out a good cohort of Dads who think the way I think on a lot of issues.  Core issues in this time are traditionally "mom's" territory but I wholeheartedly reject that notion on almost every level.  I have way too much evidence that women would have loved it if their Dads had been there on these developing subjects.

I also readily admit that there are times when I do find flow (A4) again.  And as the challenges have become far greater it’s undeniable that finding flow with my 13 year old daughter is FAR more rewarding and rich due mostly to its comparative complexity (emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc.) to finding flow with a well changed diaper (although I got damn good at it….). 

I won't be surprised if at some point the spike in challenges levels out a bit but for now I'm on the most amazing and rewarding ride of my life.  The changes now seem so wholesale and speedy.

Yes, I realize it’s a relatively nerdy way to look at all this, but I also somewhat readily admit that in spite of the flair and flash that you all love so much about me a noticeable portion of my essence is represented by the nerd that played D&D, figured out mathematical relationships between basketball players' jerseys during ND games and thinks that, in the end, life is just one big mathematical equation.

Damn I’m awesome!!

Book Review: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and other concerns) by Mindy Kaling

I just finished reading this book by Mindy Kaling and, it feels kind of weird saying this but it's true, it was a "wonderfully vivacious romp through the life of a woman who just knows she's the "real" it because lots of those who think they are its are like, totally lame, particularly if they look cuter than her in that dress that Mindy totally wants to wear". 

I put that in quotes because I secretly hope that Mindy Kaling will read this post and like totally put it on the cover of one of the books when it's translated into some other language.

Then like, she'll totally want to know more about me because I really "get it" and wow, I really see that you have writing talent.  Ok, enough of that, if you read the book you'll get why I'm going off like this, it's actually kind of fun.  :)

1. This book should be required reading for any dads of daughters.  It gives this amazing view into the way women and girls think.  Let's just say after reading this I had a discussion with my daughter about who from the Hunger Games she'd like to marry, and like, totally seriously....  Read this book, you'll get it.
2. Mindy Kaling is freakin' hilarious.  I'll admit that at times I don't totally get her references.  Like she mentioned she wanted to be in a remake of Ghostbusters including a woman named Taraji Henson.  I had no idea who that was, but when I asked a woman on the bus (who wanted to know what I was reading because I was laughing out loud) quickly informed me.
   
   She mentions that she learned about imprinting from psychology (no, she says, actually it was Twilight).
   
   A few of the chapters are:  Karaoke Etiquette, "Hooking Up" Is Confusing, In Defense of Chest Hair and Strict Instructions for My Funeral.  The chapter names alone are worth a few giggles.
3. I want friends like her.  Now it's entirely possible that she's putting on a total act.  Maybe she's not like she writes in her book but I actually have a hard time believing it.  I don't think she's this bunged up psycho bitch who will step on anyone to get her way.  I mean seriously, the way she dresses there's NO WAY she's bunged up.  :)
4. I want my daughter to have friends like her.  If in fact she's like she writes, she's loyal, kind hearted, a bit catty (ok maybe more than just a bit), really funny but most of all, I think she reminds me that it's important to tell Zoe just to be herself (and me too of course). 
   
   She wrote about how she tried to share some hilarious Monty Python with a tight knit group of friends while in High School and none of them liked like she did.  I want my daughter to hang out with people she can be herself with.

I admit that it was fun riding the bus from the Marina with this book out because the women gave me very curious looks and that was cool.  But in the end, I loved it because the book is really fun, really short and really worth it. 

Read the book, you'll get it

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Book Review: Let the Great World Spin

I have no idea why I resisted the book that my Mom recommended to me for about 6 months.  It won't happen again.  (btw, if you EVER need a good book recommendation, my Mom is the BOMB!!)

This book by Colum McCann essentially tells the stories of a number of people who are all linked (sometimes they realize it, sometimes they don't).  It's all in the context of the time that Philippe Petit walked on a tightrope between the World Trade Centers in 1974.  Yes, I understand that doesn't give you a lot to go on or even really make sense, but the messages and the stories are wonderfully compelling.

He has a way of creating dozens of characters that I'm either immediately attracted or repelled by.  He took me into worlds that I'm only marginally familiar with.  And, while tragic, the worlds were filled with wonder that continued to be sparked by the many stories in the book.

Some of the better quotes from the book:

• On fear:  "What I mean is, we're afraid.  Just stand still for an instand and there it is, this fear covering our faces and tongues.  If we stopped to take account of it, we'd just fall into despair.  But we can't stop.  We've got to keep going."  Indeed!
• On evil:  "Evil was for those who could never reach the truth.  It was a mask for stupidity and lack of love."

At the end of the book, there's an interview that Mr. McCallum did about the book.  In it, he talked about how he felt about one of the characters that dies.  (I won't tell you who, don't want to spoil it)  He referred to how blue he felt about the character's death.  He wanted to roll back the rock and apologize.

But what struck me most was his statement about what characters in a novel mean to him:  "Isn't it strange, that we can create characters from dust and then they become more real than the person we met at the party last night?"

I've never seen it so beautifully summarized by an author.  Then again, that same author's tale was nothing short of magnificent.  And the world keeps spining....

Book Review: How to Know God

How to Know God by Deepak Chopra is mostly an analysis of the stages of a relationship with what he calls God (which is not tied to a religious context). If you're a newbie to spirituality, ignore it.  If you are well versed in it read it if you feel this resonates with you but it's not a must read.

However, there are some useful models of thinking in the book He begins by stating there are three levels of existence:

1. Material World (insert Police joke here...hiyo!!):  Living in the world as we know it bound by time, known by the senses.
2. Quantum Domain:  The world of the mind where creation manifests.
3. Virtual Domain:  Spirit where existence is unbounded in total silence (insert Steve Buscemi from Fargo joke here...hiyo!!)

He then goes on to describe how we can progress and touch the worlds beyond the material world.  He gives a very clear seven stage description of God helping us in the progress from 1-3.  In the stages we progress from thinking of God as a vengeful protector to becoming one with God.

The book is at times overwhelming (I think it could have been cut by a 1/3 and still been effective) but I can see how it will become a book worth referring back to as it describes behavior that signals where I am with my relationship with God.

And in the darkness, that relationship (as far afield as I may be) is the light that I rely on.

Book Review: Born Standing Up

Born Standing Up by Steve Martin chronicles his struggle with, rise in and departure from stand-up comedy.  He's brilliant and I'm a HUGE fan of a few of the things he's done (Picasso at the Lapin Agile, The Lonely Guy and The Pleasure of My Company for example. 

This book is deeply touching.  He shares at an intimate level what shaped him as a person and a stand-up comic.  The majority of the book deals with his struggle and early rise to stardom.  It's a rollicking ride through an unfamiliar era (as I was mostly pooping my pants those days) and a wonderful study in how relationships and experiences (sometimes in instances) shape our behavior. 

His sudden departure from stand up comedy feels almost as sudden in the book which is appealingly congruent.

I'm trying stand-up comedy out and am to a certain extent in awe of him, but at the same time feel like he's so real that anything is possible.  It's clear however that his deep and wide subject matter knowledge (philosophy, logic, psychology, art, etc.) combined with a (at times) tough upbringing build the foundation for his material.

One small point in the book that really captured my heart was him describing his favorite scene in The Jerk.  In the scene he and Bernadette Peters are walking on the beach at night singing a lovely song "Tonight, You Belong to Me".  That scene has brought me to tears in the past because of it's sweet beauty and I've hummed or sung it rocking babies to sleep in my arms.  It felt connecting that it's what he liked best.

The book zips along at a comfortable and joyous pace.  Thankfully he's his chatty self like when he describes a male director (John Frankenheimer) who hit on his then girlfriend unsuccessfully.

"Incidentally, Frankenheimer died a few years ago, but it was not I who killed him."

Many other examples of like that make it feel like he is right in front of you telling the story and it makes it all the more enjoyable.

One day, if I'm lucky, I'll meet Steve Martin and say to him:  "Hello, I'm Tim."

Book Review: Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

I just finished this book by Mil Millington about a guy named Pel and his girlfriend Ursula and their day by day lives living, or perhaps more accurately surviving, relationship life.  Millington's writing is zippy and hilarious.  I love the way he developed the scenes and situations keeping the characters true to throughout the book.

He nails it when he describes the differences between the way men and women, generally, deal with children.  But he shines most brightly when he shifts the scene to Pel having lunch or coffee with his good buddies Roo and Tracey when he would lament about his life only to be taken to task by two sarcastic, quick friends (who ultimately, in a bit of a lame twist, end up together in a relationship).

The book runs a little long, but he consistently makes things funny.  One of my faves was line during an interview where Pel says:

"I'm glad you asked me that, Keith.  In fact, I think my lack of computer "qualifications"..." I made little quotations with my fingers, the motion simultaneously waving goodbye to my imortal soul.

....classic.

Like Nick Hornby, he has the blatant comedic honesty of British authors that I really enjoy.  He's not quite as engaging a writer as Nick Hornby (then again who is?), but he is super cool and has a good flow.

It's a light romp, worth the effort.

Book Review: Ultra Marathon Man

Ultra Marathon Man is about Dean Karnazes' life obsession with running REALLY long distances.  He seems to like to do so as a means to continue to expand our consciousness to the possibilities about what our bodies can do.  (And he's an SF man to boot!)

Interestingly, he was a heavy partier until his sister died, at which point he started to get serious about things, but not really about running.  He became sort of a "master of the universe" kind of dude and succeeded materially, but began to feel empty.

It wasn't until he started running again that he seemed to discover purpose.  And discover it he did.

He ran across the desert.  He ran 199 miles.  For me, the most unbelievable one was running the marathon that ended at the South Pole, unbelievable.

It's definitely an easy read and worth it (particularly if you are a work out fanatic).  However, at times it was a little tough to connect to as a moderate (at best) athlete.  But he does share that we all fall prey to the limitations of our mind.

One thing that I wish he would have addressed a bit more is that he finds peace and presence in pushing his body to the absolute limits.  What happens when he can't do that anymore?

At some point he'll get older and certainly he'll be able to push himself to a certain extent, but not to the limits he does now.  How will he find peace when that day comes?

Book Review: Man's Search for Meaning

Man's Search for Meaning by Vicktor Frankl is a well known book about one man's struggle through concentration camps and his reflections in the context of a psychiatric approach known as logotherapy (a treatment that essentially focuses on helping the patient find meaning in life).  I was a little reticent at first because I feel like I've heard the story so many different ways that I wouldn't get new perspective on it.

Wrong!

The first thing that I hadn't contemplated before was the idea that by stripping a person of their possessions, dignity and even hope that all that is left is our essence, our strength which we either can lean on or just forget.

The other interesting thing was how seemingly clinical he was in evaluating the behavior of different people in the camp.  For example the Capos, who were prisoners put in the position of authority at the camps, who were often brutal he didn't condemn or judge them, he just described them.

The main takeaway from the book for me was how he described we find meaning in life.  In that context he described the 3 ways to find meaning in life:

1. By creating a work or doing a deed
2. By experiencing something or encountering someone
3. By the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering

He spent a great deal of the book (understandably) speaking to #3.  He repeatedly quoted Nietzsche who said "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how" which I thought was particularly powerful and a clear explanation of what #3 is all about. 

I LOVED the way he described how unfair it is that someone who is unhappy (depressed) is ashamed in our society because they are unhappy (where the default should be happy) making it almost doubly difficult to get out of it.  It reminded me of my brother who passed away who fought demons almost daily and I'm sure was ashamed because he had to, which looking back feels really unfair at a minimum.

The one issue I have with the book is that meaning (in any of the 3 ways as noted above) puts meaning essentially in the future.  When any one of the three happen, then you can look back at it and assign meaning to life.

That's a bit troublesome because:

• It makes the present secondary.  You have to get somewhere or do something in the future to find meaning.
• It leaves meaning to the past.  I feel like you essentially have to look back on the past to evaluate that meaning and when you do, I think there is more than one way to interpret it, so how reliable is that?

Regardless of whether I agree with him or not, I love the depth and simplicity of the book, it's a great combo and a beautiful book.

Finally, in the Afterword, a writer quoted Frankl as saying "I do not forget a good deed done to me, and I do not carry a grudge for a bad one".  That's awesome.