Topic 4 of several: How I stopped repeatedly weeping at the same songs
Monday Nov 14, I had a transcendent healing experience after Nov 11 & 12 performing my play The Father Daughter Dance.
There are certain songs I listened to when Zoe was very young. Over the last 5 years in particular when I would listen to those songs, I would cry…. like EVERY time.
The songs include:
Make You Feel My Love (acapella version)
Daughters by John Mayer
Wrong Turn by Jack Johnson
I’d listen to them connect back to when she was young and I was in the darkest days of my addiction. My tears flowed because of the regret for what I was during those years.
The last two songs in Shawshank Redemption (So Was Red and End Title) in particular were really painful.
When Zoe was a baby, we traveled on an airplane to Virginia. She was fussy, I was admittedly a bit high. That being said, I took her in my arms and she rested on my chest.
I walked up and down the aisle of the plane comforting her by humming those songs from Shawshank Redemption as she calmed down and fell asleep in my arms. It was a tender, loving moment that I chose to look at with regret.
I have been listening to all those songs in the last week and a half there are not tears of regret. I’ve forgiven myself for who I was then.
When I shed a tear listening to them it’s purely from how beautiful the songs are.
There’s a legitimate difference between tears of shame and regret and tears of the joy of the beauty of music. Now I know the difference and that I’m healed.
Get busy living or get busy dying.
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