T-M-I from T-I-M

The chair, the funeral, the talk

This ratty old chair is the one I took to dozens of my daughter’s volleyball tournaments and other sporting events over the years. I hadn’t used it for over 3 years.

On Sunday it got a new use.

That day, I went to a funeral for man I knew who took his own life by suicide. It was an emotional event that brought up a lot of feelings from my brother and other family members who have made similar choices.

It brought up my father’s death.

This man we gathered for on Sunday was a bright light with heavy darkness that I’d experienced.

It was and still is a rough ride, waves keep coming.

I told my daughter about the funeral a few days before and she told me that if I wanted to talk on Sunday, she was here for me.

It was a simple, powerful example of my daughter behaving as a loving, full hearted adult. She knows she can’t feel the feelings for me, she wants me to feel them and share them.

I spoke to her Sunday and without revealing the content I can tell you she patiently and lovingly held the space for me to share about my experience and feelings.

I was, unsurprisingly, all over the place.

When she felt like I had nothing more to say at that time (which was accurate) she simply and confidently told me if the time came when I wanted to talk more about it, she’d be there for me.

That offer went straight to my heart.

Maybe in the morass of all darkness that is settling in on me that comes and goes in waves, the event has immediate meaning in that it connected me to my daughter even more deeply.

The chair will never be the same. I thought this would replace the memories of joyous times watching her grow up.

It didn’t, entirely.

It turns out, the event gifted me an added realization that she has grown up without forgetting that I was there as she did.

10 random thoughts on Euphoria Season 2

10 random thoughts on Euphoria Season 2:

 

1. Most parents should watch

Every parent of children at least 10 years old should watch it. It opened me even more widely to the world that so many of our children and young adults live in metaphorically.

Please don’t be scared away by the way the script sensationalizes certain situations. When I look at the way the characters reflect on and react to feelings around sex, drugs, hurt, hope, family, etc. there is a literal treasure trove of guidance for us.

It also helps that it’s connective. My daughter knows I watched both seasons and I bring things up from time to time about it that helps our conversations as we have a shared context.

2. Zendaya is spectacular

Her non-verbal expressions of confusion, manipulation and a deep yearning for connection are somehow both heartbreaking and inspiring.

She breaks the fourth wall on the show in a way few performers can. She seems to look right through camera at me.

There is an entire episode devoted to her shaking people trying to get her help. It’s metaphorically a PERFECT representation of someone trying to fight getting help.

The script also portrays exactly the way a manipulative, sick, lost, desperate addict behaves.

It’s brutal and she pulls it off perfectly. I sincerely hope that she continues ascending because she’s a gift.

3. EVERY dad of daughters should watch this.

I didn’t put it together until the very end that a compelling, underlying narrative in this is the lack of a devoted loving father in many of the lives of these young women.

When I did, I was able to see the storylines in a brand-new light.

4. The look, feel and vibe is spectacular

The colors, tension and audacity of the show at times is overpowering AND compelling. It’s hard to stop watching.

The show has a bit of Coen Brothers and even David Lynch in it. There is what appears to be an homage to Raising Arizona in the Roo (Zendaya) scene running away.

And the very first episode when they end up at a drug dealer’s house the music, camera work and dancing is like Blue Velvet re-imagined.

5. The script has COURAGE.

It takes on subject matter that in my mind MUST be discussed. I get that topically it may seem like it’s sex, social media, cliques, drugs, etc. But the underlying subject Sam Levinson portrays are far deeper.

He takes on loneliness, confusion, loyalty in ways that I think are provocative and really hopeful that so many young people are watching it.

The script also focuses on making VERY difficult parenting decisions that include heartbreaking examples of letting go. Oh God when her mom and Roo's younger daughter were collateral damage to Roo's addiction...just wow.

Roo’s sponsor in the 12-step program is a powerful, surprisingly accurate portrayal of an emotionally healthy sponsor. It’s SO hard when people like Roo who we really root for end up on the edge of not making it.

6. Fezco (Angus Cloud) is my DUDE

He is like the nicest, coolest, hottest drug dealer ever. I swear sometimes I wish he was my dealer before I got clean and sober so many years ago.

I can tell you that some dealers actually have a version of a heart.

I wasn’t thrilled with the final scene with the cops, but I got what they were trying to do. His relationship with Lexi (Maude Apatow) is pleasantly perfect.

7. The Self Love Conundrum

There is a meditation on the dastardly idea of shaming anything other than self-love though the character Kat (Barbie Ferreira). It’s a stunningly perfect way to portray how there’s the weight of pressure to tell kids to love themselves.

Personally I think self-love is a REALLY high bar even for adults who often bear the unconscious wounds of our childhood. To casually suggest self-love is where it’s at when we don’t to our kids is poisonous.

I hated myself a lot when I was a kid (and even an adult). I loved how the scene explored that.

I wish she was in this season more, but I found out she got into a fight with the director.

8. Cassie, Nate, Maddy....no thanks!

Most every storyline around Cassie/Nate/Maddy was relatively uninteresting to me. The only relationship in that world that really interested me was Nate and his father.

The backstory on his dad was powerful. At one point the soundtrack had Devil Inside by INXS playing it was PERFECT.

However in generally I just didn’t find them as compelling as the many characters I already mentioned. Even characters like Elliott who was not total focus was way more interesting.

9. Random laughs

There are some random humor points in the show that I found laugh out loud funny.

One small one was when they went into a store to get alcohol and one of the characters made a reference to Kramer from Seinfeld, it was well placed and funny.

They were welcome breaths of fresh air during the intensity of the season.

10. Grief and Healthy Love

Finally, a big through story is Roo’s father’s death. Her reading the eulogy was Niagara Falls for me. And there is a quote about grief being a winding valley by CS Lewis.

it all resonated so powerfully with me. It’s heartbreaking to see how these young women are portrayed and the impact of not having guidance from loving dads.

Interestingly the one Dad that is supportive is Jules (who is played by trans actress Hunter Schafer).

Her character is one who treats Roo with detached love at the MOST important time. It feels important that she is guided at least partly by a dad who cares.

I recognize I’m leaving some stuff out but what I won’t leave out (yet again) is that we are in a golden age of television.

The boldness of creativity of shows like Ted Lasso, Atlanta, Euphoria, Abbott Elementary and SO many others is beyond inspiring.

Note that Season 2 wasn't better or worse than Season 1, just different.

I know many current parents of pre-teens and teenagers worry about the direction of them. I can assure you that works of art like this wipe that away for me.

It reminds me I have two choices, adapt to the trends/conversations/beliefs and connect there with what I believe in or fight it and get left behind.

I choose to adapt, and Euphoria helped me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jerrod Carmichael's Rothaniel is a MUST See

Jerrod Carmichael's Rothaniel (HBO) is spectacular.

It's a 54 minute show in a small, packed New York venue. It's unlike any special I've ever seen.

It's not quite a stand up show (literally...he sits the whole time) and there's some fantastic jokes.

He admits a big truth about himself, that he's gay (which is all over social media) and it's not quite an "admittance" show.

It's an intimate, deep look into how family dynamics impact our hearts and minds. He touches on a set of subjects broad and wide that he clearly has yet to make sense of.

Most heartbreaking and deep is how he works through his relationship with his Mom. I've literally never seen anything like it. It cut deep for me as I am continuing to make sense of my own relationship with my mom which brought me to tears in the show.

He does what could be called "crowd work" and it's not quite that. The questions and comments from the audience are so raw and direct that he wobbles at times to respond to them.

The uncertainty of his responses on it are so connective to watch. There are also moments where he admits he WANTS to make jokes because it's so emotional.

The directing by Bo Burnham is fantastic. He has a way of cutting from a few views to nearly take us into the venue. It felt intimate just watching it.

It's a next level performance worthy of a watch.

Bad Vegan: Frame, Fraud, Fugitives is stunning

Bad Vegan: Frame, Fraud, Fugitives on Netflix is absolutely stunning.

 

It’s a 4 episode real life re-telling of the story of one time celebrity vegan chef and entrepreneur Sarma Menlngailis rise and subsequent brutal psychological fall with her husband Anthony Strangis.

 

It’s nothing short of gripping to experience a virtual front frow look into a man working a hustle and imposing psychological abuse on a woman.

 

I won’t give too much of the plot because there are some genuinely breathtaking real life plot twists.

 

The contextual story telling of her former employees and family members put a light on the helplessness and hopelessness when someone is embroiled in a web of lies and deceit with a person who all but has complete control of her.

And it's undeniable she did MAJOR damage to a number of people in her life financially and beyond.

 

Seeing how these people in her lives at times behaved healthy by letting go and/or saying no is really powerful given how hard it is/was. There is a homeless man in it who is spectacular.

 

She stepped into the relationship as an adult who admittedly has an attraction for people who are unusual and Strangis is beyond that. His manipulation reminds me of the way frogs are boiled.

 

This man got her comfortable with a certain level of warmth and then just slightly increased things as time went by to the point at which she didn’t know she was being nearly killed.

 

I like watching shows where there is a range of feelings about the person at times being on her side at times recognizing she was an adult and making choices early on.

 

Admittedly, it feels a little Springer-ish to be so captivated by it and I know watching it by mid episode 3 I wanted it to be over because how all encompassing it was becoming. Add to that the desire to "fix" her.

 

It was interesting that she read the book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when she was in junior high because the whole show felt like a Hunter S. Thompson dark adventure.

 

It’s curious to me that Netflix put both this and Tinder Swindler out because they have a lot of similarities.

 

At the end of the series I have somehow have a searing hatred and some level of compassion for Strangis in that he was clearly dangerous and psychologically abusive (and probably still is) (hatred) and seemingly is an addict (compassion).  And it doesn't excuse him not getting help after he does tremendous damage before and to her.

 

I also somehow feel quite a bit of sympathy for Menlngailis because she was absolutely run over by him. The scenes where she’s asked pointed questions about what she should have done are super real.

 

And I’m guessing it’s a result of having been asked it a ton of times and it’s just HARD to explain. Interestingly when I heard his manipulations I didn't have the urge to say "JUST GET OUT" as I know it's more complex that that.

 

Granted they lived a lavish lifestyle at times. Although Menlngailis would have lived that lifestyle had she never met that guy.

 

I would have liked to hear her give her perspective on what level of accountability she has in it which is at least some it would seem.

 

The raw part about this is that this couple essentially acted as if they were a cult of two people. One leader (the man) and one follower (the woman).

 

She’s likeable and compelling and it’s easy to see why she could raise money, she’s smart, passionate and gorgeous (ala Theranos).

 

I do wonder if friends of mine who have experienced abusive and controlling women would be pretty triggered and traumatized by the recorded conversations.

 

It just crushing that both the Tinder Swindler and this guy are out free right now and possibly the same or worse (or better I guess….).

 

I also realized that part of the way these men work is they essentially take a "spamming" mentality until they get one hooked and then take them on the same abusive journey. If the woman isn't hooked, they move on.

 

In any case, it’s not the most uplifting of series. It's not very redemptive.

 

In fact it’s allure seems to be in revealing the dark, dark side f our humanity and the wounded side of our emotions that gravitate towards it.

 

I suppose that may be what makes it so compelling. If you get a chance, give it a chance.