T-M-I from T-I-M

Cobra first THEN Up Dog when you're ready

It's official, I'm totally Norcal just by the title of this post.  But the idea is really straightforward when I'm learning new things I'm better off going to kindergarten before I go to the Masters program. 

I'm in the middle of a career change wherein I want to leverage my very best skill sets.  I'm like, totally likeable and know how to develop really good relationships.  I'm a people person and I'm smart.  I like to be goofy at times as well.  So it makes perfect sense that I've been an accountant all my life right??

Not anymore.  And so as I embark on this journey of change I have to remember take it slow but keep moving forward.  Don't do cobra and move onto crow, I'm asking for trouble.

I know I want it and want it bad, but I also know that I'm not in charge of the results, I'm in charge of the action and for now cobra is working just fine. 

Book Review: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and other concerns) by Mindy Kaling

I just finished reading this book by Mindy Kaling and, it feels kind of weird saying this but it's true, it was a "wonderfully vivacious romp through the life of a woman who just knows she's the "real" it because lots of those who think they are its are like, totally lame, particularly if they look cuter than her in that dress that Mindy totally wants to wear". 

I put that in quotes because I secretly hope that Mindy Kaling will read this post and like totally put it on the cover of one of the books when it's translated into some other language.

Then like, she'll totally want to know more about me because I really "get it" and wow, I really see that you have writing talent.  Ok, enough of that, if you read the book you'll get why I'm going off like this, it's actually kind of fun.  :)

1. This book should be required reading for any dads of daughters.  It gives this amazing view into the way women and girls think.  Let's just say after reading this I had a discussion with my daughter about who from the Hunger Games she'd like to marry, and like, totally seriously....  Read this book, you'll get it.
2. Mindy Kaling is freakin' hilarious.  I'll admit that at times I don't totally get her references.  Like she mentioned she wanted to be in a remake of Ghostbusters including a woman named Taraji Henson.  I had no idea who that was, but when I asked a woman on the bus (who wanted to know what I was reading because I was laughing out loud) quickly informed me.
   
   She mentions that she learned about imprinting from psychology (no, she says, actually it was Twilight).
   
   A few of the chapters are:  Karaoke Etiquette, "Hooking Up" Is Confusing, In Defense of Chest Hair and Strict Instructions for My Funeral.  The chapter names alone are worth a few giggles.
3. I want friends like her.  Now it's entirely possible that she's putting on a total act.  Maybe she's not like she writes in her book but I actually have a hard time believing it.  I don't think she's this bunged up psycho bitch who will step on anyone to get her way.  I mean seriously, the way she dresses there's NO WAY she's bunged up.  :)
4. I want my daughter to have friends like her.  If in fact she's like she writes, she's loyal, kind hearted, a bit catty (ok maybe more than just a bit), really funny but most of all, I think she reminds me that it's important to tell Zoe just to be herself (and me too of course). 
   
   She wrote about how she tried to share some hilarious Monty Python with a tight knit group of friends while in High School and none of them liked like she did.  I want my daughter to hang out with people she can be herself with.

I admit that it was fun riding the bus from the Marina with this book out because the women gave me very curious looks and that was cool.  But in the end, I loved it because the book is really fun, really short and really worth it. 

Read the book, you'll get it

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Is it God or god?

My relationship/friendship with God has taken an interesting turn.  For the majority of my life I ascribed the capital letter G to God out of fear and necessity I guess.  It was a sort of forced exultation.  And apparently he was the only one around.  He was kind of like this ultimate bouncer.  Because he decided who got in to the club and who didn't.

And as far as I could tell, he didn't only let in slutty looking hot chicks immediately and leave an average looking, likeable fellow like me in purgatory until I bribed him or until he looked at me and just said...dude, you are so going to hell.  He was that friend I could never really "connect" with but basically I had to say I knew him because everyone else I knew said they did.  And I always had to go hang out at his house to see him once a week.

Then we had kind of a break-up.  I decided that instead of trying to be God's groupie, that I was going to ignore him entirely.  Fine dude, if I ONLY can see you at your place, then I'm just going to do my "own thing".  So I started seeing other people. 

I hung out with this one spirit that was a like a colorful liquid rainbow slowly advancing life.  I spent some time with this man/woman combo type thing for a while.  I even spent some time without a God because I figured I knew best.

It was cool because they came over to my place and I never felt rejected by any of them because they weren't really "friends" per se, they were just people that told me whatever I was doing was fine, even though it wasn't so fine.

So I came back to someone I decided to call god.  And this god was super cool.  god handled a ton of stuff for me that I couldn't handel myself.  And god knew its place because by not capitalizing its name, it no longer was better than me or getting what I deemed to be a forced term of admission that goes beyond someone's regular name.

Just recently it changed again.  I've decided to call God God.  But see God's name could be Bill or Juan or Herbert.  It's just the name of my friend.  And like Bill or Mohammed (the most popular name on earth, THANK YOU Superbad) a lot of other people I know can be friends with someone named God too.

This friend however has a few twists.  God doesn't get all worked up if I don't call.  Actually, the only who seems to get worked up when I don't call God is me. 

God comes over whenever I want, but ironically, even when I don't want God is still there, but not in that like annoying dude who always wants to be around me because he saw me do stand up comedy "that one time". 

My friend God seems to always know how things are going to turn out and he knows they will always turn out ok.  It's cool though because I can watch a movie with God and he won't be like "OMG, it's so cool when they find out that the letter was actually written by HER, not his ex-wife"  (THANK YOU Silver Linings Playbook).  When I start freaking out, he's the cool one who says, dude, it's all good trust me and while sometimes I do and sometimes I don't, it is all good.

My friend God has a ton of other great qualities, but the best one of all is my friend God will never leave me.  I can get like super pissed or like talk bad about him to other peeps (come on dude, ANOTHER war, WTF???) and he's still like it's ok Tim that you talked me down.  My friend God doesn't talk to me about other peeps who have other friends like my friend God and say that they are like totally fucked come time death rolls around, I'm down with that.

God's the friend that is everything I've ever dreamed of and some things I've never even thought of.  God digs me and I dig him, he ain't heavy, he's my brother (THANK YOU the Hollies).

And brother, what a friend God is.