I wrote this for a private group on Facebook and thought it was worthy to share on my blog....
I was at a men's group on Sunday when 6 turned on women came to talk to the group. The word that popped up most was confidence. It got me thinking about the relationship between confidence and expectations.
I've long associated the idea of confidence with a high degree of certainty of results, which create expectations. I'm confident so I'm going to get her number and that's that. I realized that this finite game (even if the number leads to dinner leads to sex) is frustrating and empty. I'm exploring the idea of expectations that aren't beholden to results rather they are about what's inside. Do I expect that regardless of what she says or does that I am confident that I'm lovable, worthy, hot, etc.? Do I expect that when you say stroke lighter or higher that I am confident in knowing that I'm always doing it right?
I have this really strong knowing that, ironically, when I'm confident in who I am desired "classic" results will often manifest. And, importantly, even if they don't, I keep moving, when necessary boldly reclaiming my power, my sex, my soul. In that, I penetrate you, on infinite levels playing an infinite game.
And I'll make mistakes dammit! I'll try to save you when that's not at all what you want. You'll be at sad and I'll try to meet you with sexy. I'll think (and maybe even act like) I know when in fact I'm totally confused and lost. (Actually that last one you will probably know better and sooner than I will....).
All of that's ok, because if I'm not out making mistakes, I'm probably in making misery. So, maybe I'm ready for this huge shift. Maybe confidence isn't related to results oriented expectations as I've always thought. And I bet that's a really big step towards truly setting me free.