T-M-I from T-I-M

Are Santa Claus and God the same person?

I've been listening the book Holiday on Ice by David Sedaris on my way to work (which is hilarious at times, average at others) and it includes lots on Santa.  And I started to think about the way in which most Christian religions have depicted God and suddenly realized that God and Santa may be the same person.

Check the evidence:

1. They look and dress alike:  Both are older dudes with big fluffy white beards and both wear robes (sort of, Santa's red outfit looks like something you could wear as a robe).
2. They're both all-knowing:  God, in his omniscience knows everything that has happened.  Santa is virtually the same, he knows what EVERY person did EVERY year.
3. They're both everywhere:  Just ask any priest, particularly in a church, and they'll tell you that God is everywhere.  Santa delivers presents for the WHOLE world (at least those of us that celebrate Xmas and can afford it, but who's counting??) in one night, that's damn near close to omnipresent.
4. They're both all-powerful:  God, because you know he created the universe and all that.  Santa, because let's face it, the dude is a supply chain genius, even better than Michael Dell, that's pretty damn omnipotent.
5. They both judge:  God looks at our lives, whether we've sinned or not and decides our eternity in heaven or hell.  Santa looks at our lives, whether we've been good or bad and decides whether we'll get the GI Joe with Kung Fu Grip, American Girl Doll (heaven) or a lump of coal (hell) of course that's only for a year but you get the point.
6. They are both related to Jesus:  Jesus is apparently God's only begotten son (whatever that means) and Santa brings gifts ONLY on Jesus birthday, I can't think of many people other than parents that would celebrate their child's birthday EVERY year LONG after he died.  I guess we're the beneficiary of Santa not being able to let go.
7. They both live in billowy white areas:  God--Clouds, Santa--Snowy North Pole.
8. They both have friendly, protective servants:  God--Angels, Santa--Elves
9. They both get offerings from the believers:  God believers give money, Santa believers give him cookies and milk.

I could go on and on (really I could) but the evidence to this point I'm sure has convinced you. 

I know you can debate the fact that Santa is WAAAAYYYY to jolly to be God, honestly does he ever get angry?  Of course we don't know what goes on behind closed doors.  (Of course, ironically we DO know what goes on in heaven, we got that one down pat.)

I know you can debate the fact that Santa is never mentioned in the Bible (ahhh... but SATAN is....co-incidence?  I think not).

But just for one minute, consider the possibility of it being true.  At a MINIMUM, perhaps Santa is God's brother.

And if absolutely nothing else, consider this:  When is the last time you saw God and Santa in public at the same time?

Ho, Ho, Ho!

Jesus Christ!

I was playing hoops the other day with a group of friends and one of my homies, who is an awesome hoops player, was not playing so well.  After a couple of missed shots, he yelled out:  "Jesus Christ!" because he was angry.

It got me thinking (which as most of you know can be a...well...entertaining venture?).  I've written before about swearing and that I think it's basically a waste of words.  But I will accept the occasional f-bomb as being something I just can't change. 

But why invoke Jesus Christ when you're pissed?

If a Buddhist is playing golf and he shanks one into the woods does he throw his club and yell:  "Siddhartha Gautama!!!!"  (aka Buddha)?

I doubt it. 

I freely admit that I've taken both God's and Jesus' name in vein and have dropped my share of f-bombs.  I admit (a little less freely but in public) that I've even combined the two giving JC a lesser known middle name of the f-ing bomb.  But mostly on the golf course which I think after Vatican Council II classifies it as a venial, not mortal sin.

I just don't understand why that urge came up in me and comes up in others.  Here's a man that was all about love, acceptance, compassion, understanding, honesty, peace, etc. and his life was cut way short and partially memorialized by people who are, I guess, just plain tired of using the 7 dirty words.

Who knows?  At some point we may just get tired of God or JC and decide to become more modern.

Lost your keys?  John Lennon!!!

Cut off in traffic?  Mother Theresa!!

Burn your dinner?  Martin Luther King, Jr.!!

Just something to think about.

One man's take on religion

I'm blessed to have certain people in my life who are supportive and meaningful to me personally and push me intellectually and professionally.  Chris Yeh happens to be one of those individuals in my life.  He rolled out an awesome post on religion. 

The trippy thing about Chris is if i had to bet he probably wrote it in 20 minutes.  He's as adept at being extemporaneously insightful as anyone I know.

When speaking of the vexing nature of certainty used in religious organizations he wrote:

By the way, the problem of certainty is by no means limited to religion--it is a problem for politics, science, and those doomed souls who are fans of the New York Yankees and Dallas Cowboys

He's funny and right.  Certainty is such a dangerous and yet effective tool at our disposal.

I know you'll find the whole post insightful so I'll risk it and put the last sentence which is classic Chris:

Perhaps what the world needs are some marketing geniuses to sell the world on skeptical, tolerant religions. Any volunteers?

I'm booked at least through the holidays so it would have to be an '08 initiative at best for me.  In the meantime, do yourself a favor and check out his post.

Now if he would only share with me his mystic ability to never pay for lunch I think I would officially be saved.

What's good about the Catholic church

I was thinking tonight about how much I've put into revealing and lamenting my Catholic upbringing.  I realize that in doing so I'm demonstrating the very intolerance that I claim to abhor.

As such, I gave some time tonight to thinking about what I like about the Catholic church and came up with a few:

• Community: One nice thing I remember about going to church was seeing my friends and other families.  To a certain extent the kids bonded to one another through the common boredom however at least for a little over an hour we were all pretty well behaved.  I never saw fights or even arguments in the church parking lots.  There was something genuinely nice about walking back from taking communion and seeing some people who I still consider friends.
  
• Direction and Hope:  Even though it didn't quite work for me, I must admit that the church has provided millions upon millions of people with direction and hope in their lives.  I'm certain that a lot of people, inspired by this direction and hope, turned out and around to help out people in need.  Yes, I know a lot of people do it without it, but sometimes it just works for some people to do it with it.
  
• Some of the clergy were actually cool:  I look back and remember a few Fathers, Sisters and Brothers who were super cool and made a huge impact on my life.  It's a little hard to deal with the fact that the one who made by far the biggest impression on me (Fr. Michael Skelly) while I was at Marquette University, left the order.  But while he was there he (along with many others) were very good to me.
  
• Jesus is a cool dude:  My intro to Jesus was through the Catholic church.  And despite the seeming near complete loss of what he was all about in modern day Catholicism, it's still the way I got to know him and I'm blessed for it.

These are just a few that I could think of when pondering it's impact on my life. 

In the end, the single most important role the Catholic church has played in my life may be that it was the institution that introduced God to me in a way that didn't really work for me but because of that I am seeking a level of spirituality in my life that I may not have achieved had that not been my path.

One last thing I realized today.  The pope....he's human.  And so is everyone else involved in the Catholic religion.  And as humans, we are flawed.  But it's their path to deal with those flaws in a way they see fit.

I'm feeling like I'm near done chastising them for their flaws (of which there are NUMEROUS).  It doesn't mean I won't point it out if I feel like it, it just means I'm close to done blaming the church for where I am today.  They continue to help millions and many of them live lives that are worth aspiring towards.

You're just not likely to see me at Sunday mass trying to learn how to copy them.

Drivers' 10 Commandments

And ye, Cardinal Martino didst travel far and long to thou mighty local AAA. 

And upon entering in to the local office did he nearly smite the dozens of heathen non-members standing in the line which woundeth many times in thy glory.

The line's distance was nearly 20 cubits before one turn begat another turn before he spake to the attendant, who had not yet learned the difference between a tithe and tie.

And lo, did Cardinal Martino cry out "Abba...oh Abba why do you beseech me?" when the holy overhead speaker trumpeted a long forgotten psalm "Dancing Queen".

Lo, though it was nearly 3 hours Cardinal Martino wandered in the barren line did he not yet see an end to it all.

And suddenly, these holy 10 commandments were delivered to him on his blackberry screen that he carried underneath robe.  When he reached for it, he revealed his comely feet and got on his knees when he saw the miracle.

And these were the 10 commandments that the Vatican just published for driving, you gotta love it!!!  (full story here):

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

My daughter's take on religion

I was with my daugther this weekend and somehow the subject of church came up.  I asked her "What's your favorite part of church?"

"Praying"

I said, "That's cool."  And we sat in silence for a few moments.

Then she said, "Actually, Daddy, my favorite part of church is the donut afterwards."

I laughed and said "At least you're being honest, honey, I appreciate that.  What's your favorite kind?"

"Chocolate."

Fair enough.  We were driving along and she was quiet in back and I could almost feel her thinking.  She piped up "Daddy, actually I wasn't being honest before."

Interesting, I thought, perhaps praying or the readings or something else is what she likes most

She said, "I actually like sugar donuts the best."

I laughed loud and long at her statement.  I told her that she says really funny things to me often as she's growing up but that may be the funniest of all.  We spent the rest of the drive talking about what it would be like if the steering wheel was a donut and the car was a donut and everything was a donut, but nothing got me like the sugar donut.

I guess a godly man is going to insert himself into Ted Haggard

I read tonight that Ted Haggard is beginning his spiritual "restoration".  Ted Haggard is the guy who was the head of 14,000 member church in CO until a man revealed that he had been paid to have sex with big Ted every month for about 3 years and that Ted also did crystal meth when they did it.

Before I go any further, I don't take pleasure out of the irony that an outspoken judge against gays has been outed.  I don't take any pleasure in his disgrace.  I actually wish there could be a worthwhile dialog out of it, but you can forget that.

H.B. London who is VP of a conservative Christian group in CO, started by saying about 50% of the people who try to restore themselves, succeed, those who don't:

"end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives,"

Gee, I bet that feels really positive for Ted.  And think about how unbelievable it is for Mr. London to be so dismissive of the ones who don't. 

I'll put aside the vision of a former meth honkin', dude bonkin' daddy asking me what it will take to get me into this Buick today or reminding me at check out that if I didn't buy my shoes at the Shoe Pavilion...I paid too much!!!

But, why do you think they are angry and miserable Mr. London?  Might it be that they often spoke (hypocritically of course) of forgiveness and love and now they are dirt?

Regardless of how many different examples of shear surreal comic genius that the church's response provides me, nothing comes close to this.  Speaking of the restoration process:

"From the Christian perspective, we think in terms of prayer, we think in terms of what we call godly counsel, where godly men who are clean themselves insert themselves in the life of the one who is struggling,"

Do you think, maybe, he could have been more careful with his word choice?  Godly men inserting themselves into other men who are struggling is what caused the whole trouble in the first place.

Nothing is better than quietly reading away at my computer and then breaking out into boisterous laughter. 

What do I think Ted Haggard deserves?  Loving kindness and he'll actually receive a remaining life of judgment. 

What does Mr. London deserve?  Loving kindness and he'll actually get undue praise.

What does Ted's boyfriend or dude deserve?  Loving kindness and he'll get nothing, ignored and Ted Haggard likely scarred him for life.

What does everyone else involved deserved?  Loving kindness and they'll give nothing of the sort.

15 years since Magic Johnson said he had HIV and my other where was I moments

I heard today that it's right around the date that is the 15th anniversary of the date when Magic Johnson announced that he had contracted HIV.  For me, I remember a lot about that moment. 

I was walking down the street and peeked my head into a corner grocery store on Haight to listen in.  (In fact, that grocery store now is the main dining area in the wildly popular Cha Cha Cha.)  I remember hearing it, but what I remember most was I was wearing a shirt from my last intramural team.  It was a sky blue jersey with our team's name:  "My Magic Johnson" with an arrow pointing to my....well you know.  I wore it unknowingly and got an awful lot of looks.

It got me thinking about what moments I remember in my life marked by big news.  Here's what I remember:

1. The day the spaceship Challenger blew up:  I was in school and we had a tv rolled in to watch it...I think we talked about it but I'm not sure.
2. The day Clinton pondered the definition of "is":  I was in my car driving in Palo Alto on the way to a meeting, and suddenly was laughing hysterically.
3. 9/11:  I had called in sick to a job I hated.  Shortly thereafter, Tracy came into the bedroom and said "The world trade centers were bombed."  I remember first feeling like it was  a dream.  The next thing I remember was being pissed that I had already called in sick!  (seriously, that was my next thought)
4. Reagan getting shot:   I came home from school and a babysitter told me.  My mom and dad were out of town.

I'm pretty sure some more stuff happened during that time (right?), but for whatever reason, those are the ones that stick out in my mind.

I'm super curious to read yours if you want to share, I'm not exactly sure why....

Top Top 10 reasons spirituality isn't #1

For whatever reason, I'm on the spirituality vibe and completely unrelated, most of my posts I do spur of the moment and finally, I love David Letterman (not like "love" but I think he's super funny...I suppose I could have just said that, but what the heck, I'm in the spirituality vibe...).

Put that together, and you get my top 10 reasons spirituality isn't #1.  From the home office in Sedona, here they are:

1. Feels too narcissistic as spirituality has the same number of i's in it as narcissistic.
2. Pope knows there's no "real" money without guilt.
3. Sanskrit chanting sounds too much like Mel Gibson mumbling/slurring to himself after a typical night...without the anti-semitic rants.
4. Where would Christians go every Sunday?
5. Without altar boys, where would the priests find dates?
6. Too much money at stake for defense contractors profiting from wars.
7. Men might actually have to admit that women are equal.
8. Women might actually have to start acting like they are.
9. Yoda and Yoga, they're the same right?
10. What would we do with all the time we used to use on judging each other?

Sort of silly and a little biting at times, but I couldn't help it.

How much does spirituality cost?

I posted my recent blog post on the spread of spirituality on another blogging system and I received a really interesting response:

I find at least in my country of birth there is a lot of resistance to these supposedly spiritual ideas by people who simply can't afford to have them. Firstly, just like many middle-to-upper class indulgences, there is the whole factor of language that you mention. It does build walls. The fact that a lot of people are charging tons of money for all of this builds more walls. There is an "abundance mentality" that runs strong through much of the "spirituality movement" which says something to the effect that if you believe that you are worthy, abundance will come to you as you deserve. Bullshit, I say. I think this is muddying the waters of spirituality with some very dangerous and ultimately alienating ideas. Try inviting your local pizza-assembler who works for under six dollars an hour to a three hundred and fifty dollar weekend course, and see how far it gets you. Oh, and apparently it's their fault they are working for that little... they don't think they deserve more. It's a circular argument in which the people who have less get less because they don't get exposed to this idea in the first place because... you have to have money to find out you deserve even more than the privilege you already have. 

He's right.  In fact Dr. Wayne Dyer, whose one of my favorite authors, either just spoke or is due to speak in SF soon.  The cost to go see him speak was almost $300. 

I didn't go.  I don't begrudge him earning money for his appearances.  In fact, he's stated that he gives a good portion (if not all) of his money away.

But it still begs the question:  Did Jesus Christ ever charge for speaking?  Did he sell books?  By the way, no, I'm not suggesting that Wayne Dyer or Deepak Chopra or even the Christian speakers who make millions are Jesus Christ. 

I guess I'm wondering to what level they ensure that people aren't excluded.  Even if they aren't, I wonder how their message of spirituality sits with someone who is homeless.  And if it does exclude at some level, what does that mean?

It's at least worth considering.