T-M-I from T-I-M

Problem solvers can suck

I realize that when I'm in a conversation with a friend who is in pain or struggling that more often than not I will start talking solutions with him or her.  Today I learned why I do so often.

I'm a dude.  Not that chicks don't do it to, but a dude is far more likely to want to fix.  Honestly, how many men in your life can sit with pain and emotions, etc.?  But that one's too easy.

I have difficulty just being with pain or struggle.  And in order to "not" solve the problem, I have to be willing to sit with my friend's or even more challenging at times my daughter's pain.

When I was younger, I actually gravitated towards solutions oriented people in my life.  Let's not dwell, let's fix.  And when we fix, we may or much more likely may not go back to how you were feeling. 

These days I'm often turned off when someone becomes immediately, and sometimes relentlessly, solutions oriented with me.  At the same time, at some point I have to start thinking about solutions.  What is that point?  Not knowing that point makes it hard for me to talk about deep emotional issues with even the closest of my friends.

I am close enough to my emotions now to know that, in essence, sometimes problem solvers can suck.  And unfortunately, I can be one of them.  I think that when I learn when to be a solver and when to be a listener I'll offer even more love to the people who mean most to me.  And allow them to do the same.

When did you last REALLY love yourself?

I was pondering on the way into work today when the last time I remember REALLY loving myself.  I don't mean loving myself because I got the girl or the job or the whatever.

I mean really just totally accepting myself for what and who that I am without reservation or criticism.

I started to think and think and think.....

I can say the affirmations and I feel the shift, as if things are getting better.  But I still may not be there.  Even if I criticize myself for a mistake for example, just a little bit I'm not there.

I guess I can say that I really loved myself as a small child.   I was thinking about  what  Zoe was like (and I'm sure I was too) when I was learning to walk.  Talk about a process littered with mistakes. 

Every time I fell I made a mistake but I got right back up and I loved myself the same way before and after.

I guess the reason I'm sharing this is because I know I have the capacity within to completely love and accept myself.  I absolutely know it.

All I have to do is access it.

Crying WITH someone

I was reflecting this morning after watching The Notebook last night about the idea of compassion and connection inside of crying WITH someone.  I cried my eyes out (interesting cliche I've always thought!) watching it last night and wondered what it would be like crying with someone else like that.

I've cried with others in the middle of arguments and even at events but have never really cried intimately with someone and am wondering why that is.

Part of it probably has to do with not liking myself.  I don't think I could think of a more vulnerable place to be than to be crying with someone.  Somehow we would have to talk about it.  I don't think people get together, talk or watch something, cry and then at the end of it just say:  "Later!"

I'm thinking women know this territory a little better.  Interestingly, for me I would probably feel more vulnerable in front of a man instead of a woman.

I guess the first step is being okay crying, period.  My dad has always been a sentimental individual and I love him deeply for that.  I am so blessed to have had a male role model in my life who taught me that it's okay to cry.

I do have a few male friends who I can cry TO (as well as several female friends) but almost none that I can cry WITH.

Why is that? 

I do know that one day I was watching something with Zoe that made me cry and she asked me why I was crying.  I told her because it's so beautiful.  And maybe that's it, maybe I'm still learning how to talk about beauty that makes my heart ache. 

At a minimum, at least I can say that I'm crying for beauty mostly now instead of crying (or worse yet, no longer crying) at what a mess my life was not 5 months ago.

Thank God for that.

Orangutan & tiger babies...cutest picture of the year?

Early candidates for cutest picture of the year.  Apparently they are buds!

Check out the story here.

St. Francis' Prayer for Peace

I've posted this before, but hey how can it hurt to post it again?  St. Francis rocks!!!:

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace
That where there is hatred, I may bring love
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony
That where there is error, I may bring truth
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith
That where there is despair, I may bring hope
That where there are shadows, I may bring light
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy
Lord grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted
To understand than to be understood
To love than to be loved
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life
Amen

It is so beautiful it makes my soul leap.  I've started taking it line by line every day as a way to guide my life.  Today is line two "That where there is hatred I may bring love".  I find this daily exercise a great way to keep me present and selfless.

Today I'm intending for you to feel the love, peace and grace of God.

Love,

Tim

Take away my silliness what's left?

A few days ago I was chatting on the phone with my daughter.  She was telling me about her visit with Santa.  I have this way of incredulously reacting with a high pitched, bewildered and rather vociferous:  "WHAT????".  She giggles.

She tells me something else.  I say "WHAT??????"  She giggles more.

And so on. 

Well, a few nights ago, she said, as she laughed, "Daddy, knock it off!"  (yes it was the first time she'd ever said that to me, too cool.....  "Don't be so silly."

I said "Really, if you take my silliness away what's left?"

"What do you mean?"  she asked.

"I mean, if you take the silliness in me out of me, what's going to be left?"

She thought for a beat and said:  "Happiness?"

Oh, from the mouths of angels come the truths of existence.  Happiness indeed.

When a friend is assaulted for NO reason, how do I find love?

My dear friend and one of my angels Jackie Danicki was assaulted recently in London.  I endeavor to live a life of agapic love.  But I have to look VERY deeply and search far and wide to understand how this is love or grace or anything like it.

Jackie is so beautiful and a lovely light.  I understand that it's conditioning that led to these men assaulting her being (physically and even more scarily emotionally).  But it's sure hard not to want to at a minimum pick up a stone and cast it in judgment of them.  What would that do?  I don't know.

What I do know is what they did and it's really hard for me not to be pissed off.

I am grateful for the angels in my life

I have been facing and going through some very difficult things lately, personally.  This is a simple post of thanks.  You know exactly who you are.

I am going to stay away from advising anyone.  Rather I am going to share that if I didn't have my angels in my life, I would likely be an actual angel right now.

If you don't know who you are, here's a hint:  Are you named Tracy, Mom, Dad, Joe, Matt, Adam, Zoe, Kelli, Ben, Milena, Theresa or Scott?  If you are, it's likely that you have been an angel in my life, very recently.  Thank you.

You are all, in your own way, pure love and light in my life.

The #1 reason to blog: I STILL can't explain it!!!

I've posted before about the inexplicable benefits of blogging.  I've even posted on one of the benefits that I could never predict.

Well, here's another one.  I actually really enjoyed my 100 suggested blog post topics entry I wrote the other day.  It was fun and silly and heartfelt.

Well, a friend of mine on another blogging platform (vox) took the time to start answering them because she dug the post I wrote.  And she wrote something that I think is beauty without reference.

What a gift!

Why is YouTube or any video sharing site so popular?

YouTube or Google Video or whatever is a video sharing site.  It allows you to create and distribute (or copy and distribute) videos as I do from time to time.

Certainly, to see old video clips of Johny Carson or Richard Pryor is cool.  I dig seeing ncaa final four moments.  I like to see recent Daily Show or shows with a less professional approaches to news journalism like CNN, MSNBC, Fox, etc. etc. clips of interviews.

But you know why the sites are so popular?  Because we're all artists and we're all love.  Love is creative.  The process of creation is enrapturing, empowering and alluring.  I've even got my own youtube channel people!!!

A GREAT example is one that a friend of mine (whose channel you can check out here) just sent me two. 

PLEASE watch this, particularly if you like books!

And PLEASE watch this particularly if you liked my post on I've got a golden ticket!

I won't give much more away but the thing that makes all of this so popular is that it's creative and totally fun!  It doesn't really matter if you are "hating".  (BTW, Mom and Aunt Marie, hating just means that you have strayed from Thumper's Mom's advice on "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything" sort of).

I prefer to view the stuff that's fun, loving, interesting personally.  But when we create it's beautiful.

I realize that a convergence of technological, societal and other forces have converged. Video cameras are cheaper and connect more easily to computers.  Storage costs have dropped DRAMATICALLY.  DSL and high speed internet continues to proliferate and become more affordable.  The younger generation's adoption rate of technology will always be higher than older and that's now manifesting.  Internet sharing sites are popping up all over the place.  Blah, blah, blah....

I also understand (but am loathe to articulate...) that youtube has "first mover's advantage" and that their business model and user base has been validated and is sustainable because Google bought them.  I get that their "footprint" is not only notable but will soon challenge the entertainment industry (they will, trust me).   Blah, blah, blah......

But all of that is secondary to content.  Content starts with creativity.  And yes, I get that "production value" is comparatively low and we are not professionals.   Yes, I get that  the software makes "any joe or joanne blow" a "movie maker".

Guess what, we don't care.  We love to create and we know you would too, try it.  You'll like it more than Mikey likes Life Cereal (before of course he swallowed a fistful of pop rocks....).

The next wave, I think of this is animation.  Someone is going to solve how difficult it is to make animation.  When they do, trust me, youtube will be flooded with pixar jr's.

The one kink, currently, I see is that part of the experience is being open to feedback.  Like blogging, video sharing is public.  And if you think your self-critic may meet like minded critics blasting people for what they put up.

Yes, people fight back or whatever which I think is unnecessary.  The key to my opening up creatively is to leave my self-critic behind.  When I do that, I am indifferent to any type of feedback but am always open to learning from any and all of it.

I'm grateful to experience and be part of creativity's unfolding on a daily basis.