T-M-I from T-I-M

Book Review: How to Know God

How to Know God by Deepak Chopra is mostly an analysis of the stages of a relationship with what he calls God (which is not tied to a religious context). If you're a newbie to spirituality, ignore it.  If you are well versed in it read it if you feel this resonates with you but it's not a must read.

However, there are some useful models of thinking in the book He begins by stating there are three levels of existence:

1. Material World (insert Police joke here...hiyo!!):  Living in the world as we know it bound by time, known by the senses.
2. Quantum Domain:  The world of the mind where creation manifests.
3. Virtual Domain:  Spirit where existence is unbounded in total silence (insert Steve Buscemi from Fargo joke here...hiyo!!)

He then goes on to describe how we can progress and touch the worlds beyond the material world.  He gives a very clear seven stage description of God helping us in the progress from 1-3.  In the stages we progress from thinking of God as a vengeful protector to becoming one with God.

The book is at times overwhelming (I think it could have been cut by a 1/3 and still been effective) but I can see how it will become a book worth referring back to as it describes behavior that signals where I am with my relationship with God.

And in the darkness, that relationship (as far afield as I may be) is the light that I rely on.

Book Review: Born Standing Up

Born Standing Up by Steve Martin chronicles his struggle with, rise in and departure from stand-up comedy.  He's brilliant and I'm a HUGE fan of a few of the things he's done (Picasso at the Lapin Agile, The Lonely Guy and The Pleasure of My Company for example. 

This book is deeply touching.  He shares at an intimate level what shaped him as a person and a stand-up comic.  The majority of the book deals with his struggle and early rise to stardom.  It's a rollicking ride through an unfamiliar era (as I was mostly pooping my pants those days) and a wonderful study in how relationships and experiences (sometimes in instances) shape our behavior. 

His sudden departure from stand up comedy feels almost as sudden in the book which is appealingly congruent.

I'm trying stand-up comedy out and am to a certain extent in awe of him, but at the same time feel like he's so real that anything is possible.  It's clear however that his deep and wide subject matter knowledge (philosophy, logic, psychology, art, etc.) combined with a (at times) tough upbringing build the foundation for his material.

One small point in the book that really captured my heart was him describing his favorite scene in The Jerk.  In the scene he and Bernadette Peters are walking on the beach at night singing a lovely song "Tonight, You Belong to Me".  That scene has brought me to tears in the past because of it's sweet beauty and I've hummed or sung it rocking babies to sleep in my arms.  It felt connecting that it's what he liked best.

The book zips along at a comfortable and joyous pace.  Thankfully he's his chatty self like when he describes a male director (John Frankenheimer) who hit on his then girlfriend unsuccessfully.

"Incidentally, Frankenheimer died a few years ago, but it was not I who killed him."

Many other examples of like that make it feel like he is right in front of you telling the story and it makes it all the more enjoyable.

One day, if I'm lucky, I'll meet Steve Martin and say to him:  "Hello, I'm Tim."

Book Review: Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

I just finished this book by Mil Millington about a guy named Pel and his girlfriend Ursula and their day by day lives living, or perhaps more accurately surviving, relationship life.  Millington's writing is zippy and hilarious.  I love the way he developed the scenes and situations keeping the characters true to throughout the book.

He nails it when he describes the differences between the way men and women, generally, deal with children.  But he shines most brightly when he shifts the scene to Pel having lunch or coffee with his good buddies Roo and Tracey when he would lament about his life only to be taken to task by two sarcastic, quick friends (who ultimately, in a bit of a lame twist, end up together in a relationship).

The book runs a little long, but he consistently makes things funny.  One of my faves was line during an interview where Pel says:

"I'm glad you asked me that, Keith.  In fact, I think my lack of computer "qualifications"..." I made little quotations with my fingers, the motion simultaneously waving goodbye to my imortal soul.

....classic.

Like Nick Hornby, he has the blatant comedic honesty of British authors that I really enjoy.  He's not quite as engaging a writer as Nick Hornby (then again who is?), but he is super cool and has a good flow.

It's a light romp, worth the effort.

Book Review: Ultra Marathon Man

Ultra Marathon Man is about Dean Karnazes' life obsession with running REALLY long distances.  He seems to like to do so as a means to continue to expand our consciousness to the possibilities about what our bodies can do.  (And he's an SF man to boot!)

Interestingly, he was a heavy partier until his sister died, at which point he started to get serious about things, but not really about running.  He became sort of a "master of the universe" kind of dude and succeeded materially, but began to feel empty.

It wasn't until he started running again that he seemed to discover purpose.  And discover it he did.

He ran across the desert.  He ran 199 miles.  For me, the most unbelievable one was running the marathon that ended at the South Pole, unbelievable.

It's definitely an easy read and worth it (particularly if you are a work out fanatic).  However, at times it was a little tough to connect to as a moderate (at best) athlete.  But he does share that we all fall prey to the limitations of our mind.

One thing that I wish he would have addressed a bit more is that he finds peace and presence in pushing his body to the absolute limits.  What happens when he can't do that anymore?

At some point he'll get older and certainly he'll be able to push himself to a certain extent, but not to the limits he does now.  How will he find peace when that day comes?

Book Review: Man's Search for Meaning

Man's Search for Meaning by Vicktor Frankl is a well known book about one man's struggle through concentration camps and his reflections in the context of a psychiatric approach known as logotherapy (a treatment that essentially focuses on helping the patient find meaning in life).  I was a little reticent at first because I feel like I've heard the story so many different ways that I wouldn't get new perspective on it.

Wrong!

The first thing that I hadn't contemplated before was the idea that by stripping a person of their possessions, dignity and even hope that all that is left is our essence, our strength which we either can lean on or just forget.

The other interesting thing was how seemingly clinical he was in evaluating the behavior of different people in the camp.  For example the Capos, who were prisoners put in the position of authority at the camps, who were often brutal he didn't condemn or judge them, he just described them.

The main takeaway from the book for me was how he described we find meaning in life.  In that context he described the 3 ways to find meaning in life:

1. By creating a work or doing a deed
2. By experiencing something or encountering someone
3. By the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering

He spent a great deal of the book (understandably) speaking to #3.  He repeatedly quoted Nietzsche who said "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how" which I thought was particularly powerful and a clear explanation of what #3 is all about. 

I LOVED the way he described how unfair it is that someone who is unhappy (depressed) is ashamed in our society because they are unhappy (where the default should be happy) making it almost doubly difficult to get out of it.  It reminded me of my brother who passed away who fought demons almost daily and I'm sure was ashamed because he had to, which looking back feels really unfair at a minimum.

The one issue I have with the book is that meaning (in any of the 3 ways as noted above) puts meaning essentially in the future.  When any one of the three happen, then you can look back at it and assign meaning to life.

That's a bit troublesome because:

• It makes the present secondary.  You have to get somewhere or do something in the future to find meaning.
• It leaves meaning to the past.  I feel like you essentially have to look back on the past to evaluate that meaning and when you do, I think there is more than one way to interpret it, so how reliable is that?

Regardless of whether I agree with him or not, I love the depth and simplicity of the book, it's a great combo and a beautiful book.

Finally, in the Afterword, a writer quoted Frankl as saying "I do not forget a good deed done to me, and I do not carry a grudge for a bad one".  That's awesome.

Book Review: The Tender Bar

I just finished reading The Tender Bar by J.R. Moehringer, a well-written and interesting story about how he grew up around a fairly dysfunctional family and found solace at a bar that his Uncle worked at.  The author was a newspaper columnist which is always a good sign for me.  Books like Marley and Me, I'm Proud of You, All Over But the Shoutin' and many others seem to grab me right from the beginning and all were written by columnist.

I guess it's something to do with the zippiness and approachability of the stories, they just keep it moving.  Ironically, all four of the books I've included here are all memoirs of one sort of another which for some reason makes it more connecting.

What particularly moved me about this book was how nakedly honest Mr. Moerhringer is able to be about his life including his successes and even more poignant, his failures.  I was also moved by the way he wrote so beautifully about 2 very important female relationships in his life (his mom and an on/off lover). 

The one thing that sort of troubled me was that he and his homies drank, and drank hard.  He definitely romanticized the bar, understandably.  I don't think, however, that he did enough to describe the damage that heavy drinking surely did to the lives of the "stars" of the bar.  Ironically, towards the end of the book, he quit drinking because, he figured he had to grow up at some point.  Wouldn't that suggest that most of his crew hadn't?

Regardless, it was an interesting read and another in a LONG line of GREAT book recommendations from my Mom.  Maybe my Mom should start a blog called booksfromtimsmom.com or something like that, trust me, we'd all be better off!

Book Review: Blink

Blink is a pretty well known book by Malcom Gladwell which is about the power of "thinking without thinking".  It gets to the essence and power of what he calls the "unconscious".  It seems the unconscious is a combined series of intelligence and intuition developed over time that more often than not seems to know best.  When we let our thinking get in the way it's called conscious behavior.

The main disagreement i have with Mr. Gladwell is the value he places on experience (see below).  It seems that our collective experiences always seem to be the cause of our troubles.  Decision making free of that experience (and I'm not even talking hecessarily about bias here I'm talking about shared, unexamined experience) seems to be the best decision making of all.

The book is a really easy read and has some interesting points to it.  The main one is the concept of "thin slicing".  Just as it sounds (unless you're a pizza delivery guy) thin slicing is taking interactions and situations and breaking them down to tiniest level to take in the information as a means to evaluate what's going on.

Often times we pick up on the thin slicing without even knowing it and when we let that knowing become our guide in our actions we often make better decisions.  Where he suggests it gets tricky is when we ignore the intuitive connection to thin slicing by using our conditioned mind that has biases. 

One example he gave was how people who audition for major orchestras now do it behind a screen because there had been a historic built in bias that certain instruments are for men, so qualified women were not getting picked.  When they are behind the screen, the listener thin slices for technique and passion in the music rather than evaluating who's playing it.

He also made the point (again and again and again unfortunately) that in times of stress if we aren't prepared for it, our mind and fear take over what our unconscious power has the capability to accomplish.  I thought that he spent too much time looking at this through the lens of law enforcement but at least I got it right off the bat.

Finally, I was struck that at the end of the book, he wrote an afterword where he laid out the three things that he thought the book should accomplish.  I understand if there were lots of people who were asking that question on book tours, etc., it just felt a little unusual to feel the need to include it.  Shouldn't I be able to judge it for myself?

Regardless, they were:

• From experience, we gain a powerful git, the ability to to act instinctively, in the moment and it's easy to disrupt this gift.  This is probably the single hardest thing about this book for me to swallow.  It seems to me that experience is the very thing that disrupts the ability to act in the moment.  Collective experience seems to be the thing that gets us into all the trouble we're in.
• Understanding the true nature of instinctive decision making requires us to be forgiving of those people trapped in circumstances where good judgment is imperiled:  Given #1 I resonate to #2.  I am forgiving to people who often do the seemingly unforgivable because they are acting instinctively based on their experience because often their experience is awful.
• Knowing less can be an advantage:  I agree.  I think the marginal benefit of additional information in decision making reduces but quick after a certain point.  But doesn't that directly contradict #1, meaning the less experience or information I have, the better?

Despite not completely agreeing with the book, I do agree that it was a worthwhile intellectual exercise and a book definitely worth reading.

The Bible on Tape

I am listening to the Bible on tape during my commutes these days and it's interesting to say the least.  My first impression is what's up with all of the "-eth"'s at the end of all the verbs.  Returneth, cometh, etc.

I suppose there is some valid historical grammatical reason for it but to me it just sounds like the person writing it was drunk and doing some type of dictation or perhaps the person just had a mental lisp. 

Anyway, I'm not too far into it but I've realized that for whatever reason I'm embarrassed to have it in my car.  On a couple of occasions I've actually hid it underneath the seat when I've picked someone up.  Yes, the book has a lot of meaning to different people but after all it's a book, right?

I can't exactly identify why I'm embarrassed by it but I am.  Interestingly, I would have NO problem if it were the Holy Quran or the Talmud  or the Bhagavad Gita, I'd have no issue. 

In fact in my desire to be the most humble person around I probably would be pretty proud of how "open" I am with those books on tape in my car.  I would volunteer to drive people to random places just so they could see how spiritually evolved I am. 

I would arrange to have the tapes queued up when I start my car and "fumble" around as I sheepishly try to turn the tapes off and say "Oh, sorry, that's the Talmud, I couldn't turn it off quick enough" as I take the tape case from the back seat and put the tapes back in it.

People would see me as a cutting edge guru that they must have in their lives.  They might even consider asking me to speak at their synagogue or mosque because I "get it".  (By the way, is it me or it CLEAR that I've been recently listening to David Sedaris?)

But how can I claim to "get it" when the book I should understand the best is virtually impossible to understand?

One of the reasons I'm doing it on tape is that I've tried to read it before and as hard as it is for me to listen to someone talking about "a man cometh back to his home and returneth to thy bosom..." etc., etc. it's like 20x as hard for me to read that and actually get it.

In case you've never read it, I'll let you know how it turns out. 

From what I've heard, apparently a nice long haired do-gooder doesn't fair so well.

Book Review: Eat, Pray, Love

2 weeks ago I was in NY visiting my Mom with Zoe and I saw the book Eat, Pray, Love on her coffee table.  As Zoe played with my Mom I decided to start reading it and was immediately hooked.  The book is a beautiful tale of one woman's journey towards her soul and God and Ms. Gilbert is just the kind of writer I like, wrapping an interesting story around a compelling subject (in this case the search for God).

It's written in 3 distinct phases based on her travels to Italy, India and Indonesia, which to me is fascinating that she traveled to three countries whose first letter is I and yet she was taking her journey to free herself from the tyranny of the I that she had become through divorce, confused love, self-loathing, etc.

Reading a book should feel like making hot, passionate love with a woman, a free exchange of energy and passion lubricated by a common excitement.  And when I'm in it, I don't want it to stop.

That's how I felt surging through this book.

It certainly puts some of my other reading into context.  When I'm struggling to get through a book, I'm just going through the motions and it feels like I'm being selfish or self-centered (like I "have" to read this book).  And as most of us know, when it comes to sex being selfish or self-centered may seem ok but we're missing a whole different world. 

Life's too short for bad sex, isn't it?

Sexual comparisons aside, Ms. Gilbert knocked it out the park on several occasions. 

• Early in the book she describes how Loneliness and Depression catch up to her like two old acquaintances in Italy.  Her description of her struggle with them is breathtaking and, unfortunately, pretty familiar to me.
• While in India she describes in hilarious detail a conversation that her mind and her self have when she is trying to meditate.  It ends deliciously when she yells at her mind telling it that it's driving her crazy.  She gets just a few moments of respite until her mind meekly asks if she is mad at it now.  It's all too familiar to me.
• She shares a conversation she had with a psychologist friend of hers who had worked at a Cambodian refugee camp who shared with Ms. Gilbert the nature of her conversations with the refugees.  Ironically, those discussions generally centered around, for example, a woman who fell in love with this guy and were separated for a bit and the guy ended up with her cousin and she was upset.   It's all so familiar.

Ultimately, I think that I love the book so much because it was so familiar.  Often times when I read a book, I carry it around with me.  Commonly someone whose read it will comment on how much they liked it (men and women).  I got that comment several times with this one, except I noticed that all the comments came from women.

After talking to several friends I discovered that this book is virtually curriculum type material for women.  It made it even more joyous because, as far as I can tell, I'm a man.  It makes the book even more connecting and lovely to know that something like this can resonate with anyone, it doesn't matter whether you are male or female.

Admittedly, after reading it, it's one of the books that I mentally note that I really hope my daughter will eventually read.  It would be awesome if she could read it as a teenager. 

I would feel blessed if my daughter could express herself so nakedly, honestly like Ms. Gilbert does.  She may as well learn that earlier rather than later.  I know that it's the path to finding peace and a connection to one's own divinity. 

Book Review: The River of Doubt

The River of Doubt is a fascinating book that chronicles a journey that Theodore Roosevelt took shortly after his unsuccessful run as the Bull Moose Party candidate in 1912.  Mr. Roosevelt headed an expedition to chart a previously unmapped part of the network of the Amazon river and its tributaries in Brazil.

It's a well written book that moves along at a snappy pace.  It's pieced together using the combination of letters from several people on the expedition.  It's nice because they appear to be honest and open as they write their journals so not only do you get a seemingly front row seat of the action you get a bit of the drama associated with it.  (I suppose in some way it's a precursor to reality TV, except with a trip that actually meant something, still that's kind of scary....)

I was amazed that a former president would do such an adventurous thing.  He almost died on the trip and in some ways died from diseases he caught on the trip.  There were not secret service or photographic entourage or aerial surveillance, etc. to accompany the former President.  The poignant parts in the novel involved the relationship between Roosevelt and his son, Kermit, who accompanied him on the trip.

But by far the most interesting part of the book for me was the author's vivid and crisp descriptions of the way natural selection worked in the Amazon jungles.  It's fascinating to read how the bugs and the fish and the trees and the snakes, etc. work together to ensure mutual survival.  And if you don't fit into the puzzle, you're history.  There is even one flower that is white to attract a certain type of beetle.  When the beetle ventures in the flower closes up, gets what it needs, turns red and releases the beetle to go pollinate other flowers.

It's wonderful to read about nature so perfectly harmonized.  (And a little troubling to consider what happens when we ransack it in the name of progress...)

One interesting fact was the a priest from the University of Notre Dame was one of the main guys on the trip going into it.  When they actually got out there they found out he was a racist prima dona and was sent on a safer journey (Cheer, cheer for old Notre Dame!).  I also didn't know that Brazil was bigger than the US!

The book moved swiftly and for a person who doesn't care much for wilderness type stories, it was an interesting read. 

One issue I had with the book related to a story about an Indian tribe.  As they made their way down the river they encountered one tribe in particular that had had little or no contact with civilization.  This tribe often fought amongst each other and definitely had killed trespassers in the past.  (Of course most of the Indians in Brazil were brutally enslaved or killed after being kicked off their land.  The people who did that were despicable...oopsss... we did that too!). 

Anyway the author spent time writing about the decision making process in the tribe.  She suggested that one group wanted to attack and another didn't and they debated it.  Now I can understand that they probably did make a decision.  I also get that they ultimately didn't.  But I don't see the point in trying to write about the debates unless she had evidence, which based on the appendix of the book with the footnotes, it didn't appear that she did.

But that was a minor issue in an overall very enjoyable book.  If you like history or traveling books something tells me you'll love this one because I don't much care for either in books.