I'm amazed at how negative my thinking is before 6 am most days. I spend way more time than I care to share tearing myself down, unnecessarily. It's a fairly tortuous onslaught of memories, thoughts, projections and all the related fears.
I often choose to employ spiritual tools like prayer (or non-spiritual tools like Netflix...) to combat it because on my own I feel like I don't have a chance. "It" will win.
This morning as the thought minions attacked, for the first time I visualized this dark side basically emerging from my body. Visually it was a like an outlined being in full black, like a 3-D chalk figure hovering above me. It occassionally showed a recognizable form. For example, the face of Killer Bob from Twin Peaks showed itself (props to the old and cool schoolers who know this reference without having to Google it!!).
When I felt this darkness peel away from my body and confront me I felt this unrecognizable lightness in myself. I felt warm and safe. My body felt loose and unburdened.
While, I could keep the darkness at bay but it always seemed to slide back in. When I saw it or it crept back in I tried to embrace it or even call it an old friend.
But for the first time I really felt that this incarnation of darkness is only a collection of my thoughts and it's not real. I've intellectuatlized that before, but never felt it. At the same time, I am having difficulty separating it because it feels so me and the lightness feels so not me.
Conditioning is a bitch!!!