I'm at a point in my life where I don't really fear death that much. I realize that when my time comes it will come.
But I'm also, more importantly, at a point in my life where I feel fear around the death of life. How many days am I willing to give up, play ridiculously small and waste away? I think I've given away more than I've taken over the past 20 years or so.
Yes, I'm of the type that could take that input and beat the living daylights out of myself. I think I've done quite a bit of that as well over the past 20 years or so. But wouldn't beating myself virtually lifeless be another version of giving days away?
The death of life is familiar, I've felt it. And to paraphrase Einstein, the mind that created the problem is not the mind qualified to solve it. Put differently, I can't use the stuff I've used to this point to transcend it.
I know it's going to be painful to ultimately transistion to it, but not as painful as "deadful living".
I also know that if I wait until I'm "ready" or feel "peaceful" or "whole" or "healed" to connect to god or any other power to get me through it, I'm screwed.
Why wait? The power or god has always been ready, when will I be?