I've been considering the insidious and paralyzing aspects of fear in my life. Most of the time my fears seem to be self-centered and often have been programmed into me by people, media, etc. in my life. Living in fear has led me down some really awful paths (and yes, from time to time it works well at an instinctual level).
I then thought about how fear manifests in my relationship with Zoe. When she was tiny she had to totally trust me and safety was more about keeping her fed, changed, etc. When I carried her around she was totally trusting. Until, of course she developed that full body electric worm move that toddlers use to wriggle out of parents' arms and onto the ground when she first started walking.
I get that there are some basic things that I needed to teach her when she was really young (don't touch a hot stove, don't talk to strangers, etc.). But as she's growing I feel like we're in this dance to teach her about relationships of all types.
Sometimes I'm scared out of romantic relationships for fear of hurting or getting hurt. She doesn't have romantic relationships....yet, she does have a number of others.
I feel almost trapped by my own experiences in relationships (with mom, dad, siblings, friends, etc.). Like if I give her my own advice I may somehow intend it to be the "way".
Can I trust that for example, that she can learn a way that is common across any relationship? (Being compassionate, for example.)
I also fully understand that she will get older and eventually her way won't have a ton to do with me (or will it??). I just hope along the way that I'll have the presence and strength to inject more love than fear into her way of living.
