I got divorced almost 6 years ago. I am still struggling to learn how to open up and let a woman into my heart. I'll readily admit that right after the divorce I got involved with women who had, essentially, no chance to be a part of my life. They were women that I would NEVER want as part of Zoe's life.
Since then, I have not had much success in connecting with a woman who I really feel I can grow with and love. I pour a lot of my heart into my daughter and the reciprocity is nothing short of beautiful. But I realize that I may be doing that at times to the detriment of pouring my heart into a relationship.
I'm scared. I know that. I really don't want to go through the pain that I went through in my divorce again.
But lately, the desire for intimacy and closeness in a relationship has been hitting me like waves of light. It virtually demands my attention. I've never felt it this intensely. I see it, so I'm trying to not let it govern my decisions in dating. Seems simple, but it's super tough.
The reward of intimacy and closeness is that it self-perpetuates if it's mutually felt. It goes way deeper than sex. It exists, perhaps, on a cellular level.
I've given up at times. I've looked for it in other places throughout my life, it may be about time that I open myself up to it with a woman.
That's easier said than done.