I was thinking the other day about how men and women treat each other pre & post coitus.
Presuming that sexual encounters end with men effervescing 99% of the time and women maybe 9% of the time, do you think that men and women have different things to talk about before and after sex?
After commenting shortly afterwards (real or not) "That was GREAT!" (usually real for the man, for the woman...maybe a little different). What does a man want to talk about?
Likely not a lot. After all, how good a conversation can you really have while sleeping? I'm convinced that women have eltriptophan coarsing through their veins and like a pheromone it emits after sex and lulls the man to sleep. If only the Lions and Cowboys were on TV and a few dead turkeys were around, you'd have thanksgiving.
If we are awake it's self-evident that talk about "the relationship" on either side is misleading. Pre, most dudes will say lots of things they don't mean to get it.
Post, unfortunately we do as well because we got it. It's one of those very weird times in life when a man (for an ever so brief second) is NOT thinking about sex (which is probably why we all fall asleep).
MOST unfortunately what that means is that it's not wise to talk about the relationship with a man pre or post coitus. And really is there any other time in left in life?
Before and after sex, what does a woman want to talk about? Actually I have no idea.
Maybe they want to talk about the relationship, don't they always??
I wish they would be TOTALLY honest. Maybe: "Well, chalk it up to another short lived adventure of watching someone else get what they want. Just out of curiosity (insert man' name here) have you ever said "orgasm" with the word "give" instead of "have" in your whole life?"
Of course this is only from what I hear because I don't disappoint, OH BEHAVE!!!!
HIYO!!!
I have no idea what you say when the woman doesn't have an orgasm, because I can't recall it happening in my life.
Posted by: Chris Yeh | July 08, 2008 at 04:04 PM
This is an extra-hilarious post because I can see Ben smiling and laughing as he reads it. :-)
As for your 9% guesstimate, all I can say is...glad we're just friends, amigo.
Posted by: Jackie Danicki | July 08, 2008 at 04:14 PM
9%? If you were a woman I'd say speak for yourself but I see you already have a 99% score here ;-)
As for wishing for total honesty, a lot of men can't take honesty. And it all depends on if you just had a one-night stand or if you are in a real relationship. Some men (ok, most men probably) fall asleep afterwards because they are worn out from all the endorphins rushing through their body while they have an orgasm but there are other men who actually manage to have a laugh and a chat afterwards. I think it really depends on how well you know a person.
Posted by: Franziska | July 09, 2008 at 09:00 AM
In my experience, your numbers are somewhat off. 9% may be low, but sometimes (and I'll probably catch heat for this) the woman is at fault. We have to participate in our own satisfaction, at least SOMETIMES. Sure, sometimes it's nice to just lie back and say "Have at it, big guy" but how often is that going to happen and how little fun it would be, really. Sometimes women don't participate, then get mad at the guy. Of course, there are PLENTY of times when the guy plays the 'I got mine, you get yourgasm' game, and that is seriously disappointing. Who'd want to talk to that guy, anyway? I agree with Franziska, that a lot of men cannot take total honesty. There are also a good number of men that don't fall asleep right after - but I've been known to do that too after a loooonnnnngggg night.
Posted by: Lynette | July 09, 2008 at 12:31 PM
Tim asked me: "Just so I'm somewhat clear. What % of women would you say have an orgasm when they are having sex?"
Well, I don't want to step on any toes here but I'd probably guess overall about 50% have an orgasm. I'm sure there are a lot of "Sallys" out there ... sometimes because they can't, sometimes because they want to speed things up just to get an extra hour of sleep at night, sometimes because they don't want to disappoint their man and don't actually mind not coming.
I think women need to learn how to address their needs and to feel comfortable to talk about this with their partners and not feel afraid to ask what he likes/dislikes whereas men need to learn how to listen and not to take any suggestion as criticism.
Openness and honesty come with trust in a relationship. I am lucky enough to be able to ask for anything I like to try out without having to worry what my partner might think of me.
Posted by: Franziska | July 11, 2008 at 06:23 AM
50%?? Wow that's a much bigger number than I would have thought. One thing that seems clear is that when a man has an orgasm it's not hard to tell, when a woman has an orgasm it may not always be evident.
Posted by: Tim Taylor | July 11, 2008 at 10:00 AM
If a woman is in touch with her body and communicates verbally as well as nonverbally, she can achieve multiple orgasms and make sure her partner knows when they're happening and how he can help her get them. The percentage of guys who can have multiple orgasms is smaller than the percentage of women who can.
Posted by: Theresa | July 12, 2008 at 10:45 PM