I've been listening the book Holiday on Ice by David Sedaris on my way to work (which is hilarious at times, average at others) and it includes lots on Santa. And I started to think about the way in which most Christian religions have depicted God and suddenly realized that God and Santa may be the same person.
Check the evidence:
- They look and dress alike: Both are older dudes with big fluffy white beards and both wear robes (sort of, Santa's red outfit looks like something you could wear as a robe).
- They're both all-knowing: God, in his omniscience knows everything that has happened. Santa is virtually the same, he knows what EVERY person did EVERY year.
- They're both everywhere: Just ask any priest, particularly in a church, and they'll tell you that God is everywhere. Santa delivers presents for the WHOLE world (at least those of us that celebrate Xmas and can afford it, but who's counting??) in one night, that's damn near close to omnipresent.
- They're both all-powerful: God, because you know he created the universe and all that. Santa, because let's face it, the dude is a supply chain genius, even better than Michael Dell, that's pretty damn omnipotent.
- They both judge: God looks at our lives, whether we've sinned or not and decides our eternity in heaven or hell. Santa looks at our lives, whether we've been good or bad and decides whether we'll get the GI Joe with Kung Fu Grip, American Girl Doll (heaven) or a lump of coal (hell) of course that's only for a year but you get the point.
- They are both related to Jesus: Jesus is apparently God's only begotten son (whatever that means) and Santa brings gifts ONLY on Jesus birthday, I can't think of many people other than parents that would celebrate their child's birthday EVERY year LONG after he died. I guess we're the beneficiary of Santa not being able to let go.
- They both live in billowy white areas: God--Clouds, Santa--Snowy North Pole.
- They both have friendly, protective servants: God--Angels, Santa--Elves
- They both get offerings from the believers: God believers give money, Santa believers give him cookies and milk.
I could go on and on (really I could) but the evidence to this point I'm sure has convinced you.
I know you can debate the fact that Santa is WAAAAYYYY to jolly to be God, honestly does he ever get angry? Of course we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. (Of course, ironically we DO know what goes on in heaven, we got that one down pat.)
I know you can debate the fact that Santa is never mentioned in the Bible (ahhh... but SATAN is....co-incidence? I think not).
But just for one minute, consider the possibility of it being true. At a MINIMUM, perhaps Santa is God's brother.
And if absolutely nothing else, consider this: When is the last time you saw God and Santa in public at the same time?
Ho, Ho, Ho!