My agapic life

Living the energy I speak of

Every morning I get a quote from a service I subscribe to and I got a beauty today:

You will notice that those who speak most of prosperity, have it. Those who speak most of health, have it. Those who speak most of sickness, have it. Those who speak most of poverty, have it. It is Law. It can be no other way... The way you feel is your point of attraction, and so, the Law of Attraction is most understood when you see yourself as a magnet getting more and more of the way you feel. When you feel lonely, you attract more loneliness. When you feel poor, you attract more poverty. When you feel sick, you attract more sickness. When you feel unhappy, you attract more unhappiness. When you feel healthy and vital and alive and prosperous—you attract more of all of those things.

It's so true.  Inevitably when I'm around people, I ultimately pick up their energetic commitments in their lives (boy do I sound totally new age or what???).

I also notice that when I give my attention to subjects they do increase in my life. 

 

Next thing I know I'll start partially balding, wear really loose fitting clothes, hang out at Cafe Gratitude and lead a meditation circle.  (Actually I may really start doing that last one....)

Racism or Discrimnation? I've never felt it.

I was thinking this morning about the variety of words that are super charged with hate that hurt, deeply, a variety of people in this world.  So I thought through my life to try and access a time when someone said something to me that was in some way discriminatory that might have hurt me and I came up empty.

It just feels weird that there aren't any words that anyone would say that would cut me that way.  Even more unusual, it's kind of strange that there are no words the people need to "avoid" when talking to me. 

White boy?  No problem.  Cracker?  Doesn't bother me.  Honky?  I think that one's actually kind of funny.

It's just weird that I have no connection to it and I probably never will.  I wonder if that affects my ability to be compassionate.

It reminds me for some reason about the Richard Pryor/Chevy Chase skit where they are spewing racist comments at each other.  Nothing Pryor said (except for maybe DEAD HONKY!!) had any effect on me.

A TREMENDOUS Dating Dad post

A friend of mine forwarded me this post from Eric Elkins of whom I am immediately a huge fan.  It's almost spooky the way he articulates navigating through many of the fears and emotions I have around my daughter and my relationship with her mom.

In particular, this was really touching:

Let me make this very clear—I don’t wish I was the one who’d had a baby with Simone’s mom. There’s no residual longing to put our family back together. No, I want a family of my own some day, and seeing the unity in Simone’s other home made me feel hopeless for my own future; as if the possibility of having another baby was just too remote, considering the relationship seesaw I was riding—which happened, by the way, to be powered by my own lack of confidence. It was self-sabotage that grew stronger in an endless feedback cycle—hopelessness begetting confusion begetting more hopelessness.

Zoe doesn't have a new baby sister or brother yet but I can totally relate.  And the relationship seesaw is a ride I know far too well.  I can't exactly describe how it feels to read someone express something so similar to how I'm feeling but at a minimum it is very connecting.

Lemonade Stand Results

Well, the results are officially in and the lemonade stand was a resounding success!  We spent part of Saturday night preparing by making 12 cups of simple syrup and squeezing about 30 lemons (well, truthfully I did most of the squeezing but she did some of them....and then went off and played on her Nintendo DS).

It's amazing how many times I went over and over the possible scenarios in my head.  What if nobody shows up?  What if we made too much?  What if we made too little?  What if the weather sucks?  What if, what if....

Market Demand

When the morning finally arrived, it was spectacular.  A perfectly blue sky and a blazing sun.  We got out there at about 11:30-ish and by about noon we had gone through our entire supply. 

Our timing was perfect as we caught both the lunch crowd heading down the street to eat as well as the family crowd arriving at the ballpark for the little league games.  After selling out we made one more batch of the good stuff and a bit of the country time (which was like neon green compared to the yellow freshly made batch...yikes).

Customer Feedback

Of course, people loved it because she is so cute (how can you NOT stop by and buy a glass of lemonade from a 7 year old girl?).  But interestingly, quite a few people told us that the lemonade was ACTUALLY GOOD!  I guess you have a certain low end quality expectation as a consumer and it appeared that we actually exceeded it. 

We even had one mom come over and buy lemonade from us because her son told her how great it was....now that's viral marketing at its best.

Anecdotal Demographic

One interesting aspect was how many women stopped by.  Dudes tended to breeze by (except for one or two) unless they were accompanied by a chick or two. 

Financials

We sold 53 cups of lemonade at $1.00 each and received an unexpected $12.00 in tips for a total of $65.00.   We spent about $27.00 on materials for a nifty  $38.00 profit (not bad with nearly software margins on a retail play).  It's important to note that we did not incur any salary costs so it was pure profit.

And in the spirit of giving, my daughter donated $5.00 to the Mission Charity at school.  (Now before you nominate her for some type of young person's altruism award, it's important to note that $5.00 is what gets you on "SBTV" at her school where each day the folks who donate $5.00 get featured in a spot on TV...but it's still nice nonetheless).

Conclusion

It was definitely worth the time and effort.  By about 1:00, she was ready to call it a day (30 minutes before our end time!) but she loved it. 

Something tells me she'll remember it for the rest of her life, I know I will!!!!

Book Review: Blink

Blink is a pretty well known book by Malcom Gladwell which is about the power of "thinking without thinking".  It gets to the essence and power of what he calls the "unconscious".  It seems the unconscious is a combined series of intelligence and intuition developed over time that more often than not seems to know best.  When we let our thinking get in the way it's called conscious behavior.

The main disagreement i have with Mr. Gladwell is the value he places on experience (see below).  It seems that our collective experiences always seem to be the cause of our troubles.  Decision making free of that experience (and I'm not even talking hecessarily about bias here I'm talking about shared, unexamined experience) seems to be the best decision making of all.

The book is a really easy read and has some interesting points to it.  The main one is the concept of "thin slicing".  Just as it sounds (unless you're a pizza delivery guy) thin slicing is taking interactions and situations and breaking them down to tiniest level to take in the information as a means to evaluate what's going on.

Often times we pick up on the thin slicing without even knowing it and when we let that knowing become our guide in our actions we often make better decisions.  Where he suggests it gets tricky is when we ignore the intuitive connection to thin slicing by using our conditioned mind that has biases. 

One example he gave was how people who audition for major orchestras now do it behind a screen because there had been a historic built in bias that certain instruments are for men, so qualified women were not getting picked.  When they are behind the screen, the listener thin slices for technique and passion in the music rather than evaluating who's playing it.

He also made the point (again and again and again unfortunately) that in times of stress if we aren't prepared for it, our mind and fear take over what our unconscious power has the capability to accomplish.  I thought that he spent too much time looking at this through the lens of law enforcement but at least I got it right off the bat.

Finally, I was struck that at the end of the book, he wrote an afterword where he laid out the three things that he thought the book should accomplish.  I understand if there were lots of people who were asking that question on book tours, etc., it just felt a little unusual to feel the need to include it.  Shouldn't I be able to judge it for myself?

Regardless, they were:

• From experience, we gain a powerful git, the ability to to act instinctively, in the moment and it's easy to disrupt this gift.  This is probably the single hardest thing about this book for me to swallow.  It seems to me that experience is the very thing that disrupts the ability to act in the moment.  Collective experience seems to be the thing that gets us into all the trouble we're in.
• Understanding the true nature of instinctive decision making requires us to be forgiving of those people trapped in circumstances where good judgment is imperiled:  Given #1 I resonate to #2.  I am forgiving to people who often do the seemingly unforgivable because they are acting instinctively based on their experience because often their experience is awful.
• Knowing less can be an advantage:  I agree.  I think the marginal benefit of additional information in decision making reduces but quick after a certain point.  But doesn't that directly contradict #1, meaning the less experience or information I have, the better?

Despite not completely agreeing with the book, I do agree that it was a worthwhile intellectual exercise and a book definitely worth reading.

Who doesn't love a refreshing glass of lemonade?

This Sunday from 11:30-1:30 near Chestnut & Laguna in the fine city of SF, my dearest 7 year old daughter is going to have her first ever lemonade stand.  Now, of course I would love it if any of you would show up to support her, that's a given.

What's been fascinating about it is all of the mental permutations I've been going through since deciding to do it.

Raw Materials/Product Positioning

At first, I was just going to get some Country Time mix, put it in water and voila, lemonade.  Since then, a good bud at work has taken the time to teach me how to make simple syrup (sugar boiled into water).  Now the debate has to do with whether I go with fresh lemons and a juicer rather than a bottle of lemon juice.

I'm leaning towards fresh because there's something about us doing this stuff together that makes it more fun. 

Price Point

Then of course there's the pricing question.  We've decided on a market entry point of $1.00 since it will be literally homemade.  We thought about cookies, but they don't quite go with lemonade.  We may do a lower price offering (perhaps $0.25 for a Country Time solution just to make sure everyone can afford it).

Marketing

Next is the marketing.  One of my big questions/fears that I've faced doing this is the possibility that no one will show up.  To mitigate that I've done some marketing.  A little email, face to face, I've even gone virtual on Facebook.  Now granted there is value in taking the full risk and failing and picking herself back up and going forward, but not now.  However I will tell her that I've invited some friends.

P&L

Next is accounting and finance (and who of you KNOWS how much I love this stuff...oy!).  With our price point selected, we will learn a bit about how to make money.  We'll keep a couple separate containers for the cash (with one separate special one, a slush fund to buy off the cops if they stop and give us any heat for not having a permit... :) ).

The list goes on and on, but the funny thing is, as an adult I look at the venture, quite literally as a venture.  There's every aspect to business in it and it will probably be a good lesson for her.

In the end, no matter how it does, I just hope she has fun.  She's asked for this for a year or two and I'm finally doing it. 

So, if you happen to be in SF on Sunday....DRINK UP!!!

Positive Energy Request

One of the things that I've learned (or perhaps been taught) is that I can't do this alone.  I can be ok asking for help.  Candidly, I'm not totally comfortable with it so this is my version of it right now.

If you happen to read this blog today, I'm asking you to take a moment, close your eyes and send some positive energy my way.  Any kind will do.

I'm going through a period in my life that for various reasons is really stressful.  I know that it's one of those times that I'm not practicing a lot of the things that I profess to be so important and a guiding light for my life.  Hey, at least I'm honest about it.

When the uncertainty is high, my need for control starts to increase.  And unfortunately, increasing uncertainty and increasing need for control just do not play well together.

So today, if you happen to read this, just take a moment and send me some positive energy.  I realize that part of the reason I'm going through this is to ultimately help someone else go through it but in the meantime it's really tough.

Thanks in advance for the love!

12 months - 12 Spiritual Books

I often am asked when chatting with people about the "spiritual" books that I've read.  As such, I decided to share what I think what a good year of reading would look like with one book per month to get "in" on what this spirituality stuff is all about.

Before I do, I should share that there are TONS of great books out there, these just happened to have resonated with me and that I didn't read the ones I picked in this order.

Finally, one pre-req is I have to have read the whole book.  So, for example, I would probably advise reading the four gospels of the Bible or other holy books but I just haven't read them.

I'm also totally open to hearing your suggestions, that's a big part of the way this list actually developed.

Months 1-3:  Wow, spiritual books can be like...interesting?

I think this is the easiest way to start.  These books all have super stories.  They're engaging and safe, you learn about spirituality without even knowing it!

• Eat, Pray, Love: A wonderful story about one woman's journey into her light.  Liz Gilbert is a super writer with a simple message.
• Way of the Peaceful Warrior:  Dan Millman is a superior athlete who is drawn to find his inner purpose.  Bonus:  He's from Berkeley!
• The Alchemist: Another wonderful story, relatively short but with a power packed message.  It's become super popular!

Months 4-6:  Cool stories!  I'm starting to feel great...I want more but am still learning!

These books start you into specific spiritual topics that are more meaty I guess I would say.

• Celestine Prophecy:  This starts to get a little advanced, it's an exciting story and the concepts about understanding your past in terms of your present behavior is priceless.
• Siddhartha:  An older novel which is also short this introduces some buddhist concepts that are interesting and enlightening.
• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: I'll admit that this one, from time to time, actually loses me still, but the idea of presence in the context of understanding the operations of a motorcycle and a father son relationship is pretty awesome.

Months 7-9:  I'm starting to feel way spiritual dude, I want more!!

This is when you start thinking, I'm really getting this, I think I would like to learn even more and go deeper.

• The Four Agreements: Another short book that is extraordinarily rich.  The simplicity with which the author lays out the keys to every day living with these agreements is quite beautiful.  (In particular the part about relationships!)
• The Wisdom of No Escape: I'll admit this one is a sentimental choice for me as it was my first full on "spiritual" book.  Thankfully, it's written in a way that anyone can understand it.  You're really starting to get a steady diet of spirituality here.
• Ask and it is Given:  Now we're really getting down to business.  This one has specific tools that you can use in your daily life in helping to remain peaceful and present.

Months 10-12:  Like OMG, I'm totally into this!  I'm ready to get medieval on this stuff!!!

These books are almost entirely about spirituality, giving tools and advice on how to live it.

• There's A Spiritual Solution to Every Problem:  Wayne Dyer is my favorite of all of the writers, he's clear and understandable.  At this point you will be familiar with some of the terms and his writing, for me anyway, just flows and feels right.
• Power of Now:  This one has been getting a lot of attention, and rightly so.  It's one of the best written books out there.  It would help if you have some grounding in spiritual concepts before you read it because it's pretty mind bending at times (thankfully).  It has made a deep impact on me.  I'm re-reading it now and it's great!
• Bhagavad Gita:  A very short book that was originally a Sanskrit text, translated a gazillion times.  The book is deep and passionate about simple and compelling concepts about the illusory nature of life.  Jack Hawley's translation is awesome!  This one is the home run of spiritual books.

WOW, you made it!  Do me a favor, as you go through it, email me, I'd love to learn about how it works for you!!!

Will you suddenly be bathed in light and heal people that you touch?  Maybe.  I am, however, hard pressed to believe that you won't grow in some meaningful way and I would love to learn from you.

Peace.

Jill Bolte Taylor's AMAZING TED Talk

A friend from work sent me the link to this video for a talk given by Jill Bolte Taylor at TED which is unbelievably inspiring.  There's something downright magical when a scientific mind has a rather unscientific experience but can bring the experience back clearly.

Of course, I was in tears by the end of the video.  (It's about 18 minutes long but totally worth it.)

I think what I find most beautiful about it is her virtually childlike energy and enthusiasm for sharing what so many others have shared before through song or art or poetry or novels or movies, etc. She speaks so beautifully about the expansive, connecting, loving energy that's inside of all of us.

I feel like she virtually aches for us all to touch this energy.  Clearly it's a life shifting experience for her and can be for all of us.  In some way it's something I instinctively want to share with my daughter but I feel like she probably knows this stuff better than I do and most likely lives it way more than I do.

Jill's experience and the related realization that everyone could feel it is captivating.  The speech is definitely the type that builds to a wonderful crescendo.

Let yourself listen to it.  Just be there to experience it.  I was deeply moved by the way she shares it in such a lovely way.  And she nearly brings the house down with her enthusiasm to boot!

One thing it made me realize is that I have to go TED at some point in my life. 

Until then, check out the video, it's nothing short of amazing.

I Like "Stuff White People Like"

A friend of mine at work pointed me to what I think is a hilarious blog dedicated to writing about stuff white people like. 

I look at the full list of the items they write about and there are several that feel right on for me.  In particular the ones about David Sedaris, Arrested Development and even the one on dinner parties (which I don't really have anymore but back in the day when I did, I can TOTALLY relate to everything they write about).

Yes, I understand that people of different races like lots of this stuff too, but I guess it's the way the writing casually and accurately points out the lame and often self-righteous explanations for the things white people do that make it so funny.  (check out the ones on having black or gay friends)

I'm amazed to read that they actually have a book deal related to it.  I bet it's part of an overall strategy to drum up interest in the book and it looks like it's working. 

Importantly this proves again that there's always room for more on the web, particularly when it's new and funny and this one is both.